How to Write Your Own Feminist Wedding Vows (or How to Take a Break from Coronavirus Panic and Focus on Love)
Hello from our feminist corner of the Wedding Industry, where things are just as dire and dystopian as everywhere else! We spent all of last week cooped up, wallowing in the grief and turmoil that is wreaking havoc on wedding world.
To those of you planning a wedding in these painfully uncertain times: we see you. We love you. We know this is challenging. So this week, inspired by you, we’re crawling out of the hole with a little glimmer of hope in our hearts.
Considering these weird times, we’re sharing wedding planning tips for parts of your wedding that cost $0.00 to change, and won’t be affected by any global disasters.
Today’s topic: How to write your own feminist wedding vows
Step One: Get started with these prompts.
Take a break from scrolling Instagram with increasing horror and grab a pen and paper. Maybe one of those half-filled notebooks you have lying around your house (if you’re anything like us). Sit down with your soon-to-be-spouse and a glass of wine if that’s your thing, and dedicate approximately 3-5 minutes for each prompt, which will help you get through the easiest/most obvious answers and into deeper territory.
“I’m glad I get to social distance with you because _____.”
“When we first met, I ______.”
“You make me feel loved by _______.”
“I knew I wanted to marry you when _____.”
“To me, marriage is ____.”
“I promise to ____.”
“You are a good partner to me because you _____.”
Make a list of ten things you appreciate about your partner.
We encourage you to share your answers as much as you want, even if your vows will ultimately be secret until you read them at the ceremony. These little tidbits are truly the antidote to the ever-present gloom we’re living with, so don’t be too stingy ;)
Step Two: Decide on the format.
Now that you have a lot of material to work with, think about the finished product. Will you write your own individual vows and recite only those? Will you write something together and promise each other the same thing instead of each person making their own promises? Will you do both? Will your vows happen simultaneously with a ring exchange, or will you do vows separately? Once you have an idea of what the format will be, you’ll be able to start sculpting the raw material you created into meaningful vows.
Step Three: Look for themes, find the right tone, and condense.
Go back over your answers to the prompts and look for themes. Some people focus on how their partner makes them feel, while others focus on what they accomplish together. Some people choose to highlight shared future goals, while others focus on shared past experiences. There’s no wrong way to make promises to your partner. However, you should try to make sure that your tone is true to you and your relationship. Are y’all a goofy couple? Your vows can be goofy! Are you serious and romantic? Your wedding vows isn’t the time to try out being silly and flippant. Find the right tone, and then condense condense condense! Most vows are in the 1-3 minute range for length, and although you are welcome to go longer (follow your heart!) you should consider the overall length of your ceremony before each committing to a nine minute TED talk version of vows :)
