Milan + Susan's Kaleidoscopic Indian + Jewish Wedding
You may have seen a glimpse of this wedding in our article about wedding party outfits (hint: it’s the photo of the bridesmaids wearing saris), but Susan and Milan’s colorful Indian wedding deserves a post all its own. Prepare your eyes for a magical ride of color and joy.
With an Indian groom and a Jewish bride, there were many traditions that Susan and Milan could choose from for their celebration. Milan opted to wear a traditional sherwani in a beautiful gold color over ruby red pants, with jutti shoes in gold and ivory (complete with those awesome curls on the toes). He also had a ton of groom swag/jewels/accessories, which we are Here. For. Susan picked a white gown and a chapel-length veil, plus bridal mehendi on her hands, arms, and feet (also omg can we talk about how great her eye makeup is?? Well done, Miriam!) plus a couple gold bangles.
These two had one of the most colorful (and biggest!) wedding parties we’ve ever worked with. Susan’s bridesmaids wore a combo of American-style dresses and saris, ranging in color from apricot to fuchsia; Milan’s groomsmen also wore sherwanis, but with American shoes.
After their first look, there was a raucous Baraat (sorry, no horse though) with drums and singing and shouting through the streets. Matt totally captured the joy and energy of that procession! After they made it over to the venue, the two families signed a ketubah (a traditional Jewish wedding document) and the ceremony began!
They got married under a dreamy, jewel-toned mandap that looked like it was straight out of a royal palace. We were also particularly fond of the candles along the sides of the aisles, which gave the whole room a warm, golden feel. The ceremony incorporated both Indian and Jewish traditions, and culminated with Milan stomping on a glass (Mavel Tov!) and the new couple leaving the ceremony draped in flowers.
Susan entered the reception with her own surprise: she had changed out of her white gown and into a crimson-and-gold sari. She and Milan shared a first dance. Toasts happened. Everyone cried. Dancing started. Everyone cheered. A few bridesmaids surprised Milan with a traditional Indian dance, and then there was the traditional Jewish wedding dance: the Hora!
Weddings are about community. Susan and Milan come from different backgrounds, so their community is a blend of those backgrounds, and so was their wedding. It was a joy to witness the ways they incorporated each of their backgrounds into one giant, opulent, whirlwind of love and celebration. Do you have plans to weave different traditions together? We’d love to hear your ideas!!
PLANNING: Jeannette Tavares, Evoke DC
FLORALS | DESIGN: Sarah Khan Event Styling
VENUE | CATERING: The Westin Annapolis
WHITE DRESS: Francesca’s Bridal
HAIR: Sara Elizabeth, Infinity Artistry
MAKEUP: Miriam Ault
DJ: DJ Ramzy
CEREMONY MUSIC: Iain Forrest, Eyeglasses String Music
LIGHTING | DRAPING | SOUND: Brian Wasser, Electric Entertainment
Kim + Bryan's Tropical Richmond Wedding
Question: How do two PhD students with a deep love for anthropological research and Spanish-speaking countries (her: Ecuador, him: Mexico) have a lush, tropical, fiesta-esque wedding in Richmond VA?
Answer: They celebrate at Havana 59 surrounded by juicy, colorful floral designs by Amanda Burnette and listening to salsa music late into the night!
This was our first Havana 59 wedding and WOW are we spoiled now. When I first met Bryan and Kim, I was blown away by their dedication to education, educational access, immigration reform, and cultural understanding. If you’re curious about the definition of “intersectional” feminism, this is it: sexism and gender discrimination never occur in a vacuum, and all oppressions are interconnected. They both are earning Ph.D.’s in intersectional issues. They both are badasses.
We started the day with a small, family-only vow exchange at the Linden Row Inn. It was raining, so afterward we popped over to the Richmond Public library for some portraits under those big, beautiful, rain-protecting arches! (Photographers take note, this is a great spot for photos when the weather is less than ideal) Then we headed downtown for zesty mojitos, extremely tasty Cuban food, another (quick) ceremony, and some side-splitting toasts and EPIC dancing.
The entire vibe of the day was deliciously colorful and vibrant, from the aesthetic (again, omg, those flowers) to the interactions: it was awesome to watch as Kim and Bryan’s friends from childhood met friends from college, Richmond friends met friends from Puerto Rico, great aunts met high school friends, and everyone bonded over the rich and profound love that Kim and Bryan have for everyone in their orbit. They are clearly steadfast, thoughtful friends and we were honored to get to document the beauty that they bring to the world!
VENUE | CATERING - Havana 59
HAIR | MAKEUP - Carly Moenich, Luminary Hair Co.
FLORALS - Amanda Burnette
TRANSPORTATION - Richmond Trolley Co.
JEWELER - Jerome Golfman, Schwarzchild Jewelers
INVITATIONS | STATIONERY - Cayce Matteoli, Earthereal Design
DJ - DJ Ricky Halo, OLA Lighting and DJs
Three Ways To Not Force Your Wedding Party to Dress Like Creepy Identical Quintuplets
Are you stoked about having your nearest and dearest stand next to you on your wedding day, but the matchy-matchy debutante army of identically-dressed friends isn’t your jam? Do you feel kind of weird telling grown people what they should wear? Are you not into the idea of your best pals to have to buy something they will never wear again just because You Said So? And are you annoyed that brides are “supposed” to have only women in their wedding party, and grooms are “supposed” to only have men?
Well guess what! We have some ideas for you.
1. Instead of the same color, go with a color “family”
This is probably the least “fuck you tradition” way to give your wedding party some autonomy around what they wear: give them a family of colors to choose their outfits from.
For folks who are wearing suits, that might be “gray suit,” for folks who are wearing dresses that might be “gray” or “violet to eggplant” or even an actual color palette (we all know Pinterest is lousy with color pallettes). Unless you have a massive wedding party that would make it really obvious if someone strayed too far from the color range, take a deep breath and let your friends do their thing. Micromanaging this process kiiiinda defeats the idea of letting each person pick what color is best for them.
Encouraging your friends to play with textures or patterns within your color scheme is an extra bonus that we’re sure they will appreciate! Last month, we shot a wedding where the bridesmaid theme was “blue florals” and it was AWESOME. You can get a similar effect with suits that have different patterns!
Bonus points: If you want to go super old-school, ask your bridesmaids to wear white! Some sources say that originally the bride and all the bridesmaids wore exactly the same dress and veiled their faces heavily, for the purpose of confusing jealous suitors and evil spirits. You can probably skip the identical dresses thing, but everyone wearing white a pretty badass way to give the middle finger to tradition!
2. Don’t be afraid to mix modern and traditional wear.
These days, weddings are usually a beautiful mix of traditions: some old, some more modern, and some completely unique to you and your boo. There’s no reason that can’t extend to your wedding party. If some folks prefer more traditional outfits and some prefer more modern outfits, let them do them! Your wedding is about blending families (and in some cases, cultures) anyway.
3. Forced single-gender wedding parties are sooooooo over.
If all your besties happen to be one gender, we support you. HOWEVER if you have a sibling or dear friend who isn’t the “right” gender for your wedding party, FUCK. THAT. If they want to stand with you, let them be there. They are wayyyy more important than the gender dichotomy BS that weddings looooove to stir up. This is especially true for men who have close friends who are women, but all the groom-related “shoulds” make it hard to step even slightly outside the masculine ideal of dudes-only friendships. Here are two of our favorite examples of grooms who push back against THAT weirdness:
And one bride who did it, just for good measure:
Remember: your community is your community. Your wedding is about celebrating your relationship with the people you love, not forcing the people you love to do whatever you say. In the end, you won’t even remember if everyone’s hair is perfect or they’re dressed “right,” but rather how much joy you felt celebrating with them near you.
What our feminist marriage looks like: Lili + Alexis
This fall, we’re pushing the conversation beyond “feminist wedding” and talking about feminist marriages. We asked some of our past clients to share their insights this: What do feminist marriages look like? How do they work? Do things even really change after your wedding?
First up are Lili and Alexis, who were married three years ago today at Bluemont Vineyard. I still remember first meeting them and noticing how strong their partnership was, and how unflinchingly positive Lili was balanced perfectly by thoughtful, easy-to-laugh Alexis. They have some great thoughts on their wedding planning process, intentionality (then and now), and self-reflection.
Looking back, what was/were the most important element(s) of your wedding?
Alexis: Honestly, it was hiring the “right” people that set the tone. Between our wedding coordinator, photographer (nudge nudge!) and our DJ, I felt like we assembled a crew who really embodied the spirit we wanted to have in our wedding – relaxed and authentic.
Lili: We didn’t want a “traditional” wedding – we wanted to have an awesome party where our family and friends could have a great time. It might sound silly, but I’m obsessed with dessert, so having an awesome and unique dessert array was important to me! (We didn’t have a traditional wedding cake – we served warm pie and ice cream, and Smith Island Cake, Maryland’s official dessert! It was AWESOME!) Decide as a couple what the important things are, and do it!
In what ways, if any, did your relationship change after your wedding?
Alexis: After we got married, there was this wonderful feeling of “that’s my person.” Not having to question if your partner would be there by your side in all of life’s future chapters. We were engaged for almost two years, and bought a house before we got married, so we had countless conversations about what marriage meant to us and what the components of a lifelong, healthy relationship would look like – it helped us to be fully intentional when we made that commitment to each other.
Lili: I just feel like I love Alexis more with each passing month and year. I know that sounds super corny, but when you have your “person” to go through life with, the highs seem even higher and the lows don’t seem quite so low. Marriage definitely isn’t all sunshine and roses, but I’ve never doubted for a second that Alexis is the most awesome person I could ever wish for to wade through those murky waters with!
Bluemont Vineyard Wedding, Same-sex wedding, queer wedding in virginia
How do your feminist beliefs/politics play out in your relationship?
We joke sometimes about the power dynamics (“male” and “female”) in our relationship. Certainly there are roles that I more naturally fit into and roles that she more naturally fits into, but we don’t ascribe those characteristics to gender, because there is no “male” in the relationship! We ascribe them to one of us having a particular strength and owning that role (For example, one of just so happens to be super handy with a chainsaw, and the other has a true gift for loading the dishwasher perfectly!) Above all else, we always try to give the other person what they need in that moment, and be our truest selves.
What are the tools in your relationship toolkit that help you when times are tough?
Alexis: I try to remember that there will be many moments in our lives when things will be out of balance and one spouse may need more support than the other. The scale is always tipping one way or another – through work or education or family.
Lili: For me, I think self-reflection is a critically important tool for life, especially in the context of a relationship. If I am going through a stressful time, I have the tendency to direct my anxiety and stress to the person closest to me – that’s almost always my wife, and that’s not fair to her at all. In those moments, it’s so important for me to look inside myself and recognize that she’s on my team. On a lighter note, laughter is so important in our relationship, and I think it really helps in challenging times!
How do you intentionally grow alongside your partner over the years?
I think it’s so important to constantly assess three things:
1. Am I growing as an independent person?
2. Am I helping my partner grow as an independent person?
3. Are we making sure that while we’re supporting each other in #1 and #2, we’re also growing together?
So many couples struggle with #3. Our lives get so stressful and busy, we forget to nurture the person that’s always along for the ride with us. Make sure to take time to keep building your story – by learning new things or doing new activities that continue to strengthen and grow your relationship. For us, making sure we’ve covered all three bases (and always checking in about it) is so important to an ever-changing partnership over the years.
What are your top three ingredients for a successful feminist marriage/partnership?
1. Respect
2. Patience
3. Laughter/Fun
If you could give fellow feminists who are planning a wedding some advice, what would it be?
Make your own rules based on what is important to the both of you. Forget about what a “traditional” wedding should look or feel like. Do what feels right – it’s nobody’s day but yours!
If you could give fellow feminists who are planning a marriage some advice, what would it be?
Honestly, same as above – make your own rules. It’s so easy to let society tell you what you should be doing, and that even applies to same-sex relationships and their dynamics. Remember that you are a team – play off each other’s strengths and communicate constantly to make sure your game plans are aligned!
Hex the Patriarchy with This Witchy Wedding Inspiration
Anyone else trying to hex Brett Kavanaugh (any maybe Susan Collins while we’re at it)???
The news the past few weeks has been HARD, y’all. Fucking hard. I’m not a firm believer in all things woo, but I know that women are full of rage that a drunken frat boy dipped in partisanship is about to become a Supreme Court Justice. So here are a handful of photos from a shoot I did many autumns ago that was created to remind us of all the power women can’t see, but we can feel. And if anyone wants to use these as inspiration to hex Brett Kavanaugh, you have my full fucking support.
FLORALS - Amanda Burnette
VENUE - Seven Springs
HAIR/MAKEUP - Slingin Pretty
STYLING - Heather Lewis
Why you need a feminist wedding photographer
I've tried several times to articulate (for myself, and for others) what it means to be a feminist wedding photographer, but this time I think I've really got it down! It's hard to write about feminism and other political things without implying that people who see things otherwise are Doing it Wrong, but I believe that people doing what they actively want--and not mindlessly doing what is expected of them--is the real important thing.
Being a feminist involved in the wedding industry, and in photography specifically, can be overwhelming. There are a lot of gender-related expectations tied up in American wedding culture, and I learned this firsthand last year as my partner and I planned a wedding-esque celebration of our love. While researching photographers to capture the event, I was inundated with language focusing almost exclusively on The Bride (™) and what The Bride (™) wants/needs/should look like in order to properly execute The Best Day of Her Life (™). I found this on photographer websites, in promotional material, on Pinterest, on Etsy, and many other online and offline spaces.
However, through feminism my relationship has grown to value equity and mutual respect, so I didn't feel like the celebration was meant to celebrate ME, but rather our partnership. Thanks to feminism, I define my life by more than my marital/relationship status, so I kinda find the thought that the best day of my entire life took place when I was just 26 years old a little bit depressing. So after twisting the arm of a photographer friend who usually shoots hardcore punk shows, I vowed (har har) to be the photographer that I would have wanted at my own love party: a feminist photographer.
Some might think that viewing weddings through a feminist lens (har har again) makes for a narrower view, but I disagree. Feminist wedding photography actually creates more dimension because it's about documenting love and relationships and happiness beyond the traditional [heterosexist] narrative of Boy-Meets-Girl, Boy Proposes, etc. Being a feminist wedding photographer means celebrating the individuals and their partnership as unique and wonderful things. It means:
- Appreciating and highlighting the ways my clients decide to embrace or shirk tradition/capitalism and taking the pictures that are important to them (from their grandparents doing the Cupid Shuffle down to macro images of rings on foliage) because they are meaningful (and let's face it, pretty) -- not because that's what Weddings Have To Be Like.
- Capturing the physical beauty of the day but focusing less on what your hair looks like (though I'm sure it looks amazing) and more on the emotional beauty: how much you laughed listening to your college roommate talk about what a slob you were, your new spouse's face watching you dance with your parent, the pure joy and warmth of your arms around each other after a first look.
- Thinking outside the box in terms of posing and composition; recognizing that everyone is on a spectrum of masculinity and femininity and not boxing folks into traditional gender roles.
- Mindfully not taking part in the stress and pressure generated by the Wedding Industry during the planning stages and acting as a wedding doula day-of by being supportive, positive, and drama-free.
So if you know someone in your life who's planning to get hitched (legally or not), spread the word! Feminist wedding photographers are the way to go. You can get more info about my work specifically by emailing me: carly carlyromeo com or using this handy contact form.
DISCLAIMER: The post assumes that you are in the position of hiring a wedding photographer in the first place. Engaged folks or other soon-to-be committed couples who aren't planning on hiring a professional photographer for whatever reason (budget, politics, disinterest, etc): more power to you!
*I originally published this when my business was a tiny baby business, back in 2014.
Noor & Matt's Industrial Wasteland Engagement Session
I thought about letting these photos speak for themselves, because when a couple asks to shoot in an "industrial wasteland" and one of them is wearing a saree, you know the photos are gonna say something.
But Noor and Matt's pre-wedding session, which was shot by Matt, had more backstory that needs to be shared. Noor is a Pakistani who has lived in the U.S since 2008, but her family still lives in the motherland. She moved to DC in 2012 and fell in love with Matt at a May Day rally and protest at the White House, where they battled some racist neo-Nazis together. So when they inquired I was already like YES YOU ARE OUR PEOPLE.
I'll let Noor tell the story from there: "We flirted, and dated and have consequently been together since May Day 2013. I work at a DC based worker-owned collective and Matt works at a HVAC company in VA. Matt is born and raised in Richmond and loves it nearly, and we've spent a lot of time back and forth from DC and Richmond. I come from a family who had always imagined me to be forever betrothed to a man that fit the demographics of Muslim+Pakistani. But, now I got this white punk kid I love dearly from Richmond, Virginia. We don't have any nice photos just being our silly selves, just selfies of us sweating at marches. So, this request is for a photo-shoot the morning before our wedding lunch (in December we're all headed to Pakistan for a big old wedding there), just us looking fly."
I love their story and these photos and I'm so thankful for couples who care about making this world a better place. And I'm thankful for my associate photographer, Matt, who totally nailed these images.
E & C Engagement Session at Humpback Rock, Virginia
I'm trying to blog more, despite being knee-deep in my editing pile, so here are a few favorite moments from last month's trek to Humpback Rock with C, E, and their two pups. I love spending time with my couples before their wedding day so we can get to know each other, laugh together, talk about favorite music and vacation spots, and just generally diffuse the jitters. I don't always recommend doing this on giant rock cliffs but these two are pretty adventurous people, so...
K & L's Posh Private Wedding Ceremony and Dance Party in Washington, D.C.
K & L's wedding had so many of the elements that make shooting weddings fun: unique format (private, super-small ceremony on Friday night and a big reception party on Saturday), relaxed vibe (they were firmly in the we-just-wanna-marry-each-other-so-bad camp), style out the wazoo (BRIDAL JUMPSUIT Y'ALL), delicious chocolate desserts (even the photographer's gotta eat, y'all) and plenty of enthusiastic dancing. I almost died of excitement when I first chatted with these two, who are badass law-types. You know how sometimes you meet someone and you just know that you want to hang out with them more? It was that feeling. I arrived at the wedding and felt immediately like I belonged, and there were endless genuine moments of joy and delight to capture. Here are some of those moments from their Saturday celebration.
