Not into the Whole "Dad Giving the Bride Away" Thing? Here are Five Alternatives.
First: we have absolutely no shade for brides who choose to have their fathers walk them down the aisle and give them away; however, that’s not a possibility for all brides. Some brides have two moms, or a dad who has passed away. Some brides have living fathers who they don’t have great relationships with (or know at all). Some brides just don’t feel like the tradition of being given away by their father is the right move for them. Whatever your reason for seeking other options, we’re here to help.
Here are our five favorite alternatives to a dad walking a bride down the aisle.
1. Walk down the aisle with your mom.
Really, who says that a father is the person to “give you away”? Many brides are just as close with their moms, and many more were raised by single mothers. Moms deserve the chance to trade brides for doweries or whatever this tradition is about. But in all honesty, it really does make our little feminist hearts leap out of our chest to see a bride and her mom walking together down the aisle. It’s a powerful vision of the bonds of women, and no we’re not crying you’re crying!! Pros: Get to honor your mom and her role in raising you to be a badass femme. Cons: Her beauty and grace may distract your guests from your own boundless beauty and grace. Just kidding.
2. Walk down the aisle with both of your parents.
This option (popular in Jewish weddings) is for brides who don’t feel like their dad should get all the giving-away glory. Also great for brides with two dads who don’t want to have to choose one or the other. Pros: you get extra support as you walk down the aisle, and you acknowledge both of your parents’ roles in raising you to be the badass bride you are. Also good for when one parent needs assistance getting down the aisle. Cons: Could be awkward if your parents are no longer together, and you gotta make sure that aisle is wide enough for three adults to get down!
3. Walk down the aisle with your partner.
A trend we have seen growing over the past few years and that we REALLY love (as equality-obsessed feminists) is for couples to walk down the aisle together at the beginning of the ceremony. We love the symbolism of entering the ceremony as engaged people, and leaving it as married people, and doing this also creates many sweet, photograph-able moments as you share the excitement of the day side by side. Pros: Share the experience of entering your wedding ceremony as a team. Cons: More traditional folks usually hope for a big emotional reaction from the spouse who is standing at the ceremony spot while the other walks in, so you would miss that (although to be honest it’s rarely as dramatic as you expect.)
4. Start in place, and have your guests walk to you.
This is something we have seen only once but it was so memorable that we had to list it. Catie and Erin got married at a chill Pocahontas State Park wedding. In addition to planting a tree during their ceremony (which we also LOVE), they flipped the script on their ceremony by starting out next to the officiant/under the arbor, and their guests came to them. It was delightfully surprising to the guests, and felt like a truly equality-minded (and introvert-appropriate) way to begin their ceremony. Pros: Surprise your guests with something that really shakes up the status quo. Stand there calmly while they all walk to you, so there’s no pressure or stage fright for more shy brides. Cons: So unconventional it may confuse people, or your venue might not be conducive.
5. Walk down the aisle alone.
The ultimate power move. You don’t need a parent, a partner, or anyone else to walk you down the aisle, you walk yourself, thankyouverymuch. Your independence is likely a foundational element in your partnership, and you are 110% confident in yourself. Pros: Go at your own pace and look like a boss while doing it. No delicate lily brides here. Cons: sensitive family members could have their feelings hurt by not getting a chance to accompany you on your final walk as a single person. But also, that sounds like their problem ‾\_(ツ)_/‾
We’ve seen many other ways that a bride can walk down the aisle — with a family friend, with a grandparent, with her child, with any combination of these. We’ve also documented many weddings that do away with the aisle all together! The main point is: as you’re planning your wedding, you only need to keep the traditions that are meaningful to you.
If it doesn’t feel “right,” don’t do it, or do it your way. It’s your wedding.
Why We Didn't Hire a Wedding Photographer
Hi y’all, Carly here. Time to get a little bit personal.
Picture this: it’s early 2012, and a fairly-militant young Carly is navigating the world of wedding planning as a feminist. IT WAS REALLY HARD. In fact, I felt like my options in terms of “weddings” were so limited (and so counter to my feminist values) that I didn’t even want to call our celebration a “wedding” — we called it a Love Party. Some of the classic elements of a wedding were still there: sharing a meal with our community from near and far, toasting to each other and to happiness and love in general, dressing up in fancy outfits, dancing our asses of all night. We hired a band and a vegetarian caterer and rented a cool old bank to have the party in, but one thing that we couldn’t find was a wedding photographer that fit our values and would capture our day in the way I had wanted.
It feels like sacrilege to admit that.
It’s not because we didn’t value photography or want the time with our friends and family documented! We were able to convince my dear friend and former Plan 9 Records co-worker PJ, to shoot a few rolls of film and a handful of digitals. (Thank you again, PJ.) But PJ isn’t a wedding photographer; he’s a band/musician/live performance photographer. He’s also the only photographer I could find, after a looooong search, who I knew would keep us comfortable in front of the camera.
Every wedding photographer I found in Richmond in 2012 (a time when googling “Feminist Wedding Photographer” yielded literally zero results—which was eerie) had websites talking only to brides about “the details you’ve spent years dreaming of,” finally finding “Prince Charming,” gushing over “the perfect diamond ring,” and how thrilled I must be to finally become “a Mrs.” Everyone was “so honored” to be considered to shoot the “best day of our lives.” And for some reason, SO MANY of them LOVED Starbucks and mentioned it constantly (still true).
There were photographers promising to pray for us before starting to shoot on our wedding day (pass). There were photographers with only white people on their websites. I did not find ANY Virginia photographers with same-sex couples on their site (in fact, when I started my company in 2014 I was told by a lesbian couple that mine was the only site they could find with same-sex people on it and that was TWO YEARS LATER). Our wedding photographer search was a deep, dark dive into the super white, super hetero, super fairy-tale-schtick Weddingland and we were not about it.
So we celebrated without a professional wedding photographer. We had a beautiful time, we drank boozy milkshakes and enjoyed our friends playing live music and there were decorations made by our dearest friends, and our favors were MASON JARS (because even feminists can be #basic y’all, it was 2012.) My mom made my dress and my dad made my cake and we ate the best vegetarian wedding food ever by Everyday Gourmet. Everyone cried.
We cherish the photos we have, but they aren’t Wedding Photos. I’ve made peace with that (and am eternally grateful to PJ for documenting it at all). But I wish I had had a better option.
So I started my business to be the photographer that I couldn’t find back then.
If you’re searching through what feels like endless websites full of gauzy tulle and people waxing poetic about how idyllic weddings are and that doesn’t fit you — we’re here. We’re realists. We love love, of course. But when we say that, we mean we love people and we love partnerships. We love supporting folks who intentionally navigate (and even disrupt) spaces that aren’t For Them.
4 Things That Don't Matter When Choosing your Wedding Photographer
We started doing wedding photography to be the progressive, feminist option in a very traditional industry, and over the years we’ve realized that there are some things that just don’t matter when you’re trying to find the right photographer for you and your boo. Other advice articles about finding the right wedding photographer give you laundry lists of things to worry about, so here are four things that you can stop caring about right now! You’re welcome.
1. IT DOESN’T MATTER WHAT WORDS WEDDING PHOTOGRAPHERS USE TO DESCRIBE THEIR STYLE
Words are just words, and you’re looking for someone who creates images that make you FEEL something. Who cares if they call themselves “classic,” “photojournalistic” or “high fashion”? Anyone can call themselves anything on the internet. Look at lots of work and take note of photos that make you stop scrolling.
2. IT DOESN’T MATTER WHAT TYPE OF GEAR THEY HAVE
Do you really care if someone shoots Nikon, Canon, Fuji, or Sony? Probably not. Instead you should consider whether or not they’re running their business right. Do they have a professional email and website? Do they create official contracts and invoices? Are they insured? When you request a full wedding gallery, do they send you a link to a gallery site or use Dropbox?
3. IT DOESN’T MATTER IF THEY ARE “FULL TIME”
Here’s an industry secret: there’s a lot of debate as to what being a “full time” photographer means. Does it mean you don’t have a day job, or that you shoot a certain number of weddings per year?? We don’t believe that having a Day Job makes someone any less of a photographer. As long as their past clients are thrilled with their photos and experience, their photos make you feel something (see #1) and they’re running a real business (see #2), who cares if they only shoot ten weddings a year?
4. IT DOESN’T MATTER HOW MANY FOLLOWERS OR LIKES THEY HAVE
The only “like” that matters is whether or not you and your future spouse like them, and can see yourselves spending the entire wedding day with them. Do they have 20K+ followers but they’re super Trumpy and don’t shoot LGBTQ couples? Give your money to someone else. Finding a photographer who is friendly, cool under pressure, encouraging, and politically aligned is way more valuable than being photographed by someone whose work seems great but who makes you feel awkward.
Think we might be the right photographers for y’all?
15+ First Dance Songs That Aren't Totally Cliche
I first published this post in 2014, and since then (of course) I’ve had many more thoughts on first dance songs that don’t fall in the sweet-but-basic category. A little bit of backstory:
I can't even remember how many times my Google skills failed me when my partner and I were looking for a good first dance song that hasn't been played to death. Sure, I love At Last as much as any other warm-blooded human, but I wanted something with a little more personality. Searches for "Cool First Dance Songs", "Non-cheesy First Dance Songs" and "First Dance Songs That Are Actually Unique" didn't turn up much. Finally, we settled on a less-coupley, more universally optimistic option: Put A Little Love in Your Heart (by Jackie DeShannon, but performed by our dear friends The Significant Others). Key lyrics: Put a little love in your heart / and the world will be a better place. True of many things, including relationships.
Now it’s 2019 and I’m happy to let you know that we’ve added a bunch of new contenders to this list — and it’s now available on Spotify. Happy listening, friends :)
PLAYLIST HIGHLIGHTS (with favorite lyrics)
"The Book of Love" by the Magnetic Fields: The book of love has music in it / In fact that's where music comes from / Some of it is just transcendental / Some of it is just really dumb but / I / I love it when you sing to me and / You / You can sing me anything.
"At My Most Beautiful" by REM: You always listen carefully / to awkward rhymes. / You always say your name / like I wouldn't know it's you / at your most beautiful.
"You and I" by Ingrid Michaelson: So I will help you read those books / If you will soothe my worried looks / And we will put the lonesome on the shelf.
"She Keeps Me Warm" by Mary Lambert: She says I smell like safety and home / I named both of her eyes “Forever” and “Please don’t go".
"Prime Time" by Janelle Monae (featuring Miguel): Cause baby it's a prime time for our love / Ain't nobody peekin' but the stars above / It's a prime time for our love / And heaven is betting on us.
"Songbird" by Fleetwood Mac: To you, I'll give the world / to you, I'll never be cold / 'Cause I feel that when I'm with you, / It's alright, I know it's right.
"Question" by Old 97s: Someday somebody's gonna ask you / A question that you should say yes to / Once in your life.
"I Love How You Love Me" cover by Jeff Mangum of Neutral Milk Hotel: I love the way your kiss is always heavenly / But darling, most of all / I love how you love me.
"You Make Me Smile" by Aloe Blacc: I'm beaming like the sun now how can that be / see the answer to the query is very simple / I'm always grinning from dimple to dimple / because you love me unconditionally.
"Riches and Wonders" by The Mountain Goats: We are filled with riches and wonders / Our loves keeps the things it finds / and we dance like drunken sailors / lost at sea, out of our minds.
"Set My Soul on Fire" by The War and Treaty: I said that I would never ever love again / But you set my soul on fire / I said no kind of love would ever pull me in
But you set my soul on fire
"One of My Kind" by Marie Danielle: I wanna know if you need a ride home / I wanna go, but not alone / I left the rest behind / honey you’re one of my kind.
"I Belong To You" by Brandi Carlile: I know I could be spending a little too much time with you / But time and too much don't belong together like we do / If I had all my yesterdays I'd give 'em to you too / I belong to you now / I belong to you
"When U Love Somebody" by Fruit Bats: When you love somebody it's hard to think about anything but to breathe.
"Dreaming of You" by Selena: Late at night when all the world is sleeping / I stay up and think of you / And I still can't believe / That you came up to me and said I love you / I love you too
How to Totally Nail Your Engagement Photos Without Feeling Awkward
We’ve been adding TONS of new couples to the Carly Romeo & Co family, and many of y’all are now preparing for your engagement sessions! These tips should help you better understand what to expect and how to get the most out of our time together.
PREP
Don’t start hungry. Our engagement sessions usually last 1.5-2 hours, so make sure you eat beforehand or bring snacks if you’re a snacky type.
But you can start with a drink. Having a beer, glass of wine, cocktail or any other type of “herbal refreshment” before we start is helpful if you’re looking to quell any jitters!
Plan what you will wear. We’re often asked what a couple should wear for a photo session, and we love to respond with the not-super-helpful "whatever makes you feel fab!" but that is really the most important part. You don't have to worry about "matching" each other, color-wise, but instead try to plan outfits that are comparably fancy (or not-fancy). For example, if one of you is wearing a cocktail dress, the other should avoid a beachy maxi dress. Or if one person is wearing cargo shorts and a polo shirt, the other should go for something more casual than a suit and tie. Other general tips: opt for solid colors whenever possible (except black, white and green if we’re shooting in nature), avoid logos and items with words on them, and wear comfortable shoes (if you prefer heels, bring a second pair of more comfy shoes for walking). Bonus points: wear something with MOVEMENT!
Fuck the “shoulds." Overwhelmed with the amount of "should"s involved in this process? Guess what: fuck 'em. Are you dying to wear androgynous clothes but think you "should" be more femme/masculine? Fuck it. Do you hate getting bug bites but feel like you "should" do your photos in an epic meadow of wildflowers? Fuck it. In the age of Pinterest and Instagram, there are countless poses and themes to emulate; we're not copying those. Instead, we'll go someplace you like (Art museum? Farm? Cafe? Mountaintop?), and do something you like (Look at art? Milk cows? Drink coffee? Fireside sing-a-long?) and we’ll take photos. There's usually some off-roading, some go-stand-over-there-no-wait-over-there-ing, and we'll probably play some silly games. The goal of the session is to capture your relationship in a series of photographs, so the only thing you should be worried about is being yourselves, in love -- not trying to recreate something from the internet or doing what you feel obligated to do.
DURING THE SHOOT
Focus on each other. Our engagement/couples' sessions are designed to feel more like a fun date (with me as a professional third wheel) than a cheesy posing experience. We will help you forget about the camera and enjoy one another by asking you to talk to each other, tell stories about your relationship, and laugh together.
Get snuggly. In most cases, there’s a good amount of squeezing/snuggling/smooching/hand-holding/etc, but I promise if you go with the flow and focus on each other, it won't be as awkward as it sounds. Remember: a (consensual) butt grab is always appropriate, especially if you don’t know what else to do with your hands.
Go with the flow. The more flexible you are, the better your photos will be! Some of our favorite engagement session photos came from spur-of-the-moment ideas, like ducking into an abandoned building during a rainstorm or standing on a pile of trash where the light is juuuust right. The more you trust us to do our thing, the more creativity flows.
OTHER TIPS
The best time to start our shoot is two hours before sunset. Because most wedding happen on Saturdays, it’s very unlikely that we’ll be able to do our shoot on a weekend, so keep that in mind when planning!
Whenever possible, choose outdoor shooting locations (or indoor locations with lots of windows). Natural light helps make your photos look dreamy and, well, natural.
PRINT YOUR PHOTOS!!! Use them for Save The Dates, give them as gifts to your family, put them around your home or office. Don’t let them just live on social media where you’ll only get to enjoy them every once in a while.
Finally, here’s our biggest tip for engagement sessions AND for life in general:
Don’t worry about doing it "right,"
just focus on loving each other.
Why Wedding Photographers (Including Us) Use the Term "Investment" When Talking About Prices
Time to admit something: when I first started my company, I would get so annoyed when photographers used the term “investment” on their websites instead of “price.” It felt like an overly-flowery use of a thesaurus - trying to make things sound fancier than they are instead of being simple and understandable. It also seemed like a bizarre euphemism meant to hide the fact that wedding photography is a business agreement with a cost associated, just another way the Wedding Industrial Complex was trying to con me out of more money.
I am here to say that I was so, so wrong.
And look...before we go any further, I know you're reading this on my website and I use this website to run a business, and that business requires folks to exchange money for my services. I get it, I've got a bias here - but what I want to write about today isn't whether or not photography should be free (I can write a whole other screed on the capitalist value of time BELIEVE IT), it's what I think the true value of photography is, for couples who choose to pay for professional photography. In fact, “investment” is really the BEST word to use when describing the money that is paid to a wedding photographer - as with any investment, your return on it will not necessarily come at the moment of purchase, but over time. And marriages last a long time, if we’re lucky.
Wedding photography is an investment in your future.
Try to imagine a day way in the future, like the year 2053, when Facebook and Instagram are just distant memories. There have probably been some absurd technological advances when it comes to social media (or maybe the tech sector has turned their attention to SAVING THE PLANET vs selling you that dog food it overheard you discussing yesterday, who knows). Anyway, it’s 34 years from now and you and your spouse have traveled the world, enjoyed time with your family, probably discovered the cure for cancer (you smarties), danced together, and cried together. You have gained and lost friends and relatives. Your lives have been rich and full and beautiful.
In 2053, you have been looking at and enjoying your wedding photos for 30+ years. You have a fancy-shmancy album*, and maybe you look at it every year on your anniversary. Maybe when loved ones visit you, you pull it out and show them. The image of someone’s father, who is no longer with us, dancing his heart out. The image of a flower girl, who is now almost forty and a mother of two, sobbing her way down the aisle. Your best friend from college (who is now a big deal comedian) cracking everyone up with a hilarious toast. Your first kiss as a married couple.
The cost of wedding photography isn’t about just the day itself.
Without photos, these images may fade from memory (and to be fair, some folks like that. Respect.) But when you hire a wedding photographer, you’re making an investment in remembering, and in how you remember. You’re not just paying someone for their time shooting, but for their experience, their eye, their ability to make you feel comfortable in front of the camera, and their understanding of what moments are important to you. You’re paying them for their work that day, but also for their work standing the test of time for the next few decades.*
So here’s my official apology to any photographer I judged, back in 2012, for using the term “Investment” - I’m so sorry. I get it now. And while I’ll never call wedding photography the “most important” investment of anyone’s life/marriage (hellooooo I’m not that egotistical, we’re not ending world hunger over here) I completely understand what an investment it really is.
*Now do y'all see why I'm so adamant about the albums? I care about 2053 you! I care about post-Facebook you! I want you to actually invest in a thing that will give you SO MANY returns for SO LONG!
Five Steps for Making a Photo Book so Your Photos Can Live Somewhere Other Than Facebook
It’s holiday time so of course we’re ready to talk about our number one most favorite holiday gift of all time: Photo Books!
A few years ago, we announced that every single one of our couples would be receiving a custom-made, heirloom photo book as part of our Signature Package. EVERY COUPLE. The reasons are simple and plentiful: a photo book will outlast whatever current technology we have; a photo book can’t get corrupted files (unless a child or clumsy adult spills on them); the experience of going through a photo book with someone you love is worlds better than scrolling through images on your laptop; your photos are art and art deserves to be printed and exist beyond the internet. I don’t think we need to go on (but we could).
So if we’ve convinced you that your photos need to live in a book, but you’re a little bit overwhelmed, DON’T WORRY! We’re here to help. Here are our favorite tips for turning your photos from files to heirlooms:
1. Select your favorite photos, and keep variety in mind.
Most wedding galleries we deliver contain more than 400 images, and you’re just not going to be able to fit all of them into a single photo book unless it’s HUGE (see below for size tips). To get started, go through and select your absolute favorite images. Keep in mind that you should select at least a couple that don’t include people (i.e. scene-setting photos of the venue or space where your wedding took place), and for photos of people, select a good mix of formal portraits (especially meaningful family formals) and candid shots.
Yen, Scott, and their families
2. Size matters.
Our standard photo album for 2019 is a 10”x10” album with ten spreads. Since a “spread” is two pages lying open, a ten spread album will have twenty pages. This size is large enough for approximately 50 images. A 30-page album would feature approximately 100 images, and a 40-page album would hold feature approximately 150 images, and so on. We have found that fifty images per 10 pages is a good guideline. Also, remember that square-format albums, when lying open flat, will be rectangles; horizontal rectangular albums, when lying open flat, will be super wide rectangles.
Nicko and Sara’s wedding photo book was square, so when it is opened and lying flat, this spread is like a frame from a wide-screen movie!
3. Tell the story.
We provide our clients with wedding galleries that are broken out into chapters, because that helps to tell the story of the day. For our albums, we like to ease our couples into the narrative by doing one spread (i.e. two pages lying open are considered one “spread”) of location-based wide shots and/or details. Then, introduce the important people from the wedding day; move through the day as it progressed and try not to skip around too much. Also keep in mind that it adds to the consistency of the story to keep color images together and black and white images together on their own spreads.
Scene-setting spread from Catie & Erin’s wedding photo book
4. Explore different layouts and embrace open spaces.
There are countless ways to lay your photos out for the photo book, and this is where a lot of people get stuck. If you’re opting to DIY, you can design your own layouts when ordering through Artifact Uprising. Aim to keep the layouts varied yet balanced — and embrace empty space when needed. Too many solo images or similar collages on one side of the spreads, page after page, will feel repetitive. If you’d rather not DIY and want us to do this part, we can help you.
A lot of space on the right side of this spread in Katie and Keith’s photo book helps their portrait stand out.
5. Invest in the highest quality photo book you can.
We know that there can be a lot of sticker shock when it comes to purchasing a photo book. In fact, when we were getting married we even rolled our eyes over how much photographers have to charge for quality pieces. However, an heirloom-quality photo book is an investment that should last generations. We order our books from a lab that works only with professional photographers, and the reasons we work with them are:
Handmade construction (yes, made by hand)
True layflat binding
Thick, sturdy pages
Lustre finish on the pages (prevents fingerprints), and
Accurate color tone.
Here are some examples, below! If you’d rather DYI, we recommend Artifact Uprising.
Is this whole process feeling like too much for you right now?
If you order a photo book from us, we handle everything from photo selection to sequencing to individual spread layouts. After you order, Fin creates a first draft which you review together and make tweaks as needed. Once you’re happy with the design, we send in the order and deliver your heirloom book to your door. EASY!
Three Ways To Not Force Your Wedding Party to Dress Like Creepy Identical Quintuplets
Are you stoked about having your nearest and dearest stand next to you on your wedding day, but the matchy-matchy debutante army of identically-dressed friends isn’t your jam? Do you feel kind of weird telling grown people what they should wear? Are you not into the idea of your best pals to have to buy something they will never wear again just because You Said So? And are you annoyed that brides are “supposed” to have only women in their wedding party, and grooms are “supposed” to only have men?
Well guess what! We have some ideas for you.
1. Instead of the same color, go with a color “family”
This is probably the least “fuck you tradition” way to give your wedding party some autonomy around what they wear: give them a family of colors to choose their outfits from.
For folks who are wearing suits, that might be “gray suit,” for folks who are wearing dresses that might be “gray” or “violet to eggplant” or even an actual color palette (we all know Pinterest is lousy with color pallettes). Unless you have a massive wedding party that would make it really obvious if someone strayed too far from the color range, take a deep breath and let your friends do their thing. Micromanaging this process kiiiinda defeats the idea of letting each person pick what color is best for them.
Encouraging your friends to play with textures or patterns within your color scheme is an extra bonus that we’re sure they will appreciate! Last month, we shot a wedding where the bridesmaid theme was “blue florals” and it was AWESOME. You can get a similar effect with suits that have different patterns!
Bonus points: If you want to go super old-school, ask your bridesmaids to wear white! Some sources say that originally the bride and all the bridesmaids wore exactly the same dress and veiled their faces heavily, for the purpose of confusing jealous suitors and evil spirits. You can probably skip the identical dresses thing, but everyone wearing white a pretty badass way to give the middle finger to tradition!
2. Don’t be afraid to mix modern and traditional wear.
These days, weddings are usually a beautiful mix of traditions: some old, some more modern, and some completely unique to you and your boo. There’s no reason that can’t extend to your wedding party. If some folks prefer more traditional outfits and some prefer more modern outfits, let them do them! Your wedding is about blending families (and in some cases, cultures) anyway.
3. Forced single-gender wedding parties are sooooooo over.
If all your besties happen to be one gender, we support you. HOWEVER if you have a sibling or dear friend who isn’t the “right” gender for your wedding party, FUCK. THAT. If they want to stand with you, let them be there. They are wayyyy more important than the gender dichotomy BS that weddings looooove to stir up. This is especially true for men who have close friends who are women, but all the groom-related “shoulds” make it hard to step even slightly outside the masculine ideal of dudes-only friendships. Here are two of our favorite examples of grooms who push back against THAT weirdness:
And one bride who did it, just for good measure:
Remember: your community is your community. Your wedding is about celebrating your relationship with the people you love, not forcing the people you love to do whatever you say. In the end, you won’t even remember if everyone’s hair is perfect or they’re dressed “right,” but rather how much joy you felt celebrating with them near you.
Why you need a feminist wedding photographer
I've tried several times to articulate (for myself, and for others) what it means to be a feminist wedding photographer, but this time I think I've really got it down! It's hard to write about feminism and other political things without implying that people who see things otherwise are Doing it Wrong, but I believe that people doing what they actively want--and not mindlessly doing what is expected of them--is the real important thing.
Being a feminist involved in the wedding industry, and in photography specifically, can be overwhelming. There are a lot of gender-related expectations tied up in American wedding culture, and I learned this firsthand last year as my partner and I planned a wedding-esque celebration of our love. While researching photographers to capture the event, I was inundated with language focusing almost exclusively on The Bride (™) and what The Bride (™) wants/needs/should look like in order to properly execute The Best Day of Her Life (™). I found this on photographer websites, in promotional material, on Pinterest, on Etsy, and many other online and offline spaces.
However, through feminism my relationship has grown to value equity and mutual respect, so I didn't feel like the celebration was meant to celebrate ME, but rather our partnership. Thanks to feminism, I define my life by more than my marital/relationship status, so I kinda find the thought that the best day of my entire life took place when I was just 26 years old a little bit depressing. So after twisting the arm of a photographer friend who usually shoots hardcore punk shows, I vowed (har har) to be the photographer that I would have wanted at my own love party: a feminist photographer.
Some might think that viewing weddings through a feminist lens (har har again) makes for a narrower view, but I disagree. Feminist wedding photography actually creates more dimension because it's about documenting love and relationships and happiness beyond the traditional [heterosexist] narrative of Boy-Meets-Girl, Boy Proposes, etc. Being a feminist wedding photographer means celebrating the individuals and their partnership as unique and wonderful things. It means:
- Appreciating and highlighting the ways my clients decide to embrace or shirk tradition/capitalism and taking the pictures that are important to them (from their grandparents doing the Cupid Shuffle down to macro images of rings on foliage) because they are meaningful (and let's face it, pretty) -- not because that's what Weddings Have To Be Like.
- Capturing the physical beauty of the day but focusing less on what your hair looks like (though I'm sure it looks amazing) and more on the emotional beauty: how much you laughed listening to your college roommate talk about what a slob you were, your new spouse's face watching you dance with your parent, the pure joy and warmth of your arms around each other after a first look.
- Thinking outside the box in terms of posing and composition; recognizing that everyone is on a spectrum of masculinity and femininity and not boxing folks into traditional gender roles.
- Mindfully not taking part in the stress and pressure generated by the Wedding Industry during the planning stages and acting as a wedding doula day-of by being supportive, positive, and drama-free.
So if you know someone in your life who's planning to get hitched (legally or not), spread the word! Feminist wedding photographers are the way to go. You can get more info about my work specifically by emailing me: carly carlyromeo com or using this handy contact form.
DISCLAIMER: The post assumes that you are in the position of hiring a wedding photographer in the first place. Engaged folks or other soon-to-be committed couples who aren't planning on hiring a professional photographer for whatever reason (budget, politics, disinterest, etc): more power to you!
*I originally published this when my business was a tiny baby business, back in 2014.
Photo Albums Make Amazing Gifts and Are Just All Around Awesome
After two years of shooting 25+ weddings per year and delivering tens of thousands of photos to some of the coolest people I've ever met, I still felt sad that most of those images lived mostly on hard drives, USBs, Facebook, and Instagram. After about a dozen weddings with this new system in place, let me tell you: It was 100% the right thing to do!
So here's my quick and dirty sales pitch for why you should get a photo album if you haven't already (and why you should order one in the next couple weeks for your folks):
Photo albums create an opportunity to engage in-person with your friends and family—which is probably one of the reasons you had a wedding in the first place, right?
They give you a chance to interact with and appreciate your photos whenever you happen to pass by the album (which doesn't happen very much when they're posted online).
If you're more of a future-thinker, the heirloom quality of the album company we work with means it will last for years/generations. Plus, check out that sweet, sweet layflat action and super thick pages below. Yum.
Convinced yet? Email Studio Manager Fin (fin@carlyromeo.com) to start the photo album design process in the next couple weeks for delivery by late December!
