Not into the Whole "Dad Giving the Bride Away" Thing? Here are Five Alternatives.
First: we have absolutely no shade for brides who choose to have their fathers walk them down the aisle and give them away; however, that’s not a possibility for all brides. Some brides have two moms, or a dad who has passed away. Some brides have living fathers who they don’t have great relationships with (or know at all). Some brides just don’t feel like the tradition of being given away by their father is the right move for them. Whatever your reason for seeking other options, we’re here to help.
Here are our five favorite alternatives to a dad walking a bride down the aisle.
1. Walk down the aisle with your mom.
Really, who says that a father is the person to “give you away”? Many brides are just as close with their moms, and many more were raised by single mothers. Moms deserve the chance to trade brides for doweries or whatever this tradition is about. But in all honesty, it really does make our little feminist hearts leap out of our chest to see a bride and her mom walking together down the aisle. It’s a powerful vision of the bonds of women, and no we’re not crying you’re crying!! Pros: Get to honor your mom and her role in raising you to be a badass femme. Cons: Her beauty and grace may distract your guests from your own boundless beauty and grace. Just kidding.
2. Walk down the aisle with both of your parents.
This option (popular in Jewish weddings) is for brides who don’t feel like their dad should get all the giving-away glory. Also great for brides with two dads who don’t want to have to choose one or the other. Pros: you get extra support as you walk down the aisle, and you acknowledge both of your parents’ roles in raising you to be the badass bride you are. Also good for when one parent needs assistance getting down the aisle. Cons: Could be awkward if your parents are no longer together, and you gotta make sure that aisle is wide enough for three adults to get down!
3. Walk down the aisle with your partner.
A trend we have seen growing over the past few years and that we REALLY love (as equality-obsessed feminists) is for couples to walk down the aisle together at the beginning of the ceremony. We love the symbolism of entering the ceremony as engaged people, and leaving it as married people, and doing this also creates many sweet, photograph-able moments as you share the excitement of the day side by side. Pros: Share the experience of entering your wedding ceremony as a team. Cons: More traditional folks usually hope for a big emotional reaction from the spouse who is standing at the ceremony spot while the other walks in, so you would miss that (although to be honest it’s rarely as dramatic as you expect.)
4. Start in place, and have your guests walk to you.
This is something we have seen only once but it was so memorable that we had to list it. Catie and Erin got married at a chill Pocahontas State Park wedding. In addition to planting a tree during their ceremony (which we also LOVE), they flipped the script on their ceremony by starting out next to the officiant/under the arbor, and their guests came to them. It was delightfully surprising to the guests, and felt like a truly equality-minded (and introvert-appropriate) way to begin their ceremony. Pros: Surprise your guests with something that really shakes up the status quo. Stand there calmly while they all walk to you, so there’s no pressure or stage fright for more shy brides. Cons: So unconventional it may confuse people, or your venue might not be conducive.
5. Walk down the aisle alone.
The ultimate power move. You don’t need a parent, a partner, or anyone else to walk you down the aisle, you walk yourself, thankyouverymuch. Your independence is likely a foundational element in your partnership, and you are 110% confident in yourself. Pros: Go at your own pace and look like a boss while doing it. No delicate lily brides here. Cons: sensitive family members could have their feelings hurt by not getting a chance to accompany you on your final walk as a single person. But also, that sounds like their problem ‾\_(ツ)_/‾
We’ve seen many other ways that a bride can walk down the aisle — with a family friend, with a grandparent, with her child, with any combination of these. We’ve also documented many weddings that do away with the aisle all together! The main point is: as you’re planning your wedding, you only need to keep the traditions that are meaningful to you.
If it doesn’t feel “right,” don’t do it, or do it your way. It’s your wedding.
A + K’s Indian Wedding at Dover Hall in Richmond, VA
Meet the Couple
A + K are a couple of food- and nap-loving NYC physicians + badasses who were looking for a progressive wedding photography team who shared their anti-Trump politics and who would would “get” their inter-cultural wedding at Dover Hall in Richmond. AND OMG DID WE GET IT. This was one of the most colorful weddings we have ever had the joy of documenting, and their love for each other was radiating the entire time. They chose to incorporate many of the beautiful Indian wedding traditions, including Sehra Bandi (turban ceremony), Baraat (pre-wedding parade with dancing and the groom on a horse), a wedding ceremony under a flowery mandap, and amazing performances during the reception. The bride wore TWO different wedding saris (why do one first look when you can do two?), and the groom wore a traditional Indian outfit for the ceremony and changed into a dapper tux for the reception. It was also extra fun to see these traditional Indian elements taking place at a very Anglo space like Dover Hall — and there were countless little details that A+K brought in to make the event a truly immersive experience. When speaking to them before their wedding, A said of K “We get through everything together. She is true partner in crime and a best friend, I hate going any place without her.” He summed it up by saying he feels incredible about their partnership, and we tend to agree. We also feel so lucky to have been there to capture their love. Now prepare your eyes for MAGIC!!
Their Wedding Photos
Preparation
First Look & Couple Portraits
Sehra Bandi & Baraat
Ceremony
Reception
Vendors
Venue:
Planner:
Florist:
Catering:
Bakery:
DJ:
Tux Designer:
Kojo and Rhea’s Virginia Museum of Fine Arts Elopement in Richmond, VA on MLK Day
Meet the Couple
We have a soft spot in our hearts for tiny weddings, because they tend to pare things down to only the essential elements. Kojo, a multidisciplinary designer, and Rhea, the curator of film and photography at the National Museum of African American History and Culture, did exactly that with their MLK elopement last year. They chose to elope at the Virginia Museum of Fine Art because their dear friend (and officiant) is the curator of contemporary art at the museum. They invited only very near family (including Rhea’s daughter) and had a guest count of 5. They exchanged vows and rings in a tiny, light-filled corner of the museum (“guerrilla style” as Rhea put it), and their “reception” was a shared meal at Amuse, the VMFA’s lovely restaurant. And best of all, they did it on MLK Day as a gesture of radical love. This MLK Day, I asked their permission to share this small collection of images from their celebration (and Rhea getting ready with her mom at the Quirk Hotel) so that we can all feel a little bit of that love.
Preparation and Wedding Ceremony
The Newlyweds
VENDORS
Why We Didn't Hire a Wedding Photographer
Hi y’all, Carly here. Time to get a little bit personal.
Picture this: it’s early 2012, and a fairly-militant young Carly is navigating the world of wedding planning as a feminist. IT WAS REALLY HARD. In fact, I felt like my options in terms of “weddings” were so limited (and so counter to my feminist values) that I didn’t even want to call our celebration a “wedding” — we called it a Love Party. Some of the classic elements of a wedding were still there: sharing a meal with our community from near and far, toasting to each other and to happiness and love in general, dressing up in fancy outfits, dancing our asses of all night. We hired a band and a vegetarian caterer and rented a cool old bank to have the party in, but one thing that we couldn’t find was a wedding photographer that fit our values and would capture our day in the way I had wanted.
It feels like sacrilege to admit that.
It’s not because we didn’t value photography or want the time with our friends and family documented! We were able to convince my dear friend and former Plan 9 Records co-worker PJ, to shoot a few rolls of film and a handful of digitals. (Thank you again, PJ.) But PJ isn’t a wedding photographer; he’s a band/musician/live performance photographer. He’s also the only photographer I could find, after a looooong search, who I knew would keep us comfortable in front of the camera.
Every wedding photographer I found in Richmond in 2012 (a time when googling “Feminist Wedding Photographer” yielded literally zero results—which was eerie) had websites talking only to brides about “the details you’ve spent years dreaming of,” finally finding “Prince Charming,” gushing over “the perfect diamond ring,” and how thrilled I must be to finally become “a Mrs.” Everyone was “so honored” to be considered to shoot the “best day of our lives.” And for some reason, SO MANY of them LOVED Starbucks and mentioned it constantly (still true).
There were photographers promising to pray for us before starting to shoot on our wedding day (pass). There were photographers with only white people on their websites. I did not find ANY Virginia photographers with same-sex couples on their site (in fact, when I started my company in 2014 I was told by a lesbian couple that mine was the only site they could find with same-sex people on it and that was TWO YEARS LATER). Our wedding photographer search was a deep, dark dive into the super white, super hetero, super fairy-tale-schtick Weddingland and we were not about it.
So we celebrated without a professional wedding photographer. We had a beautiful time, we drank boozy milkshakes and enjoyed our friends playing live music and there were decorations made by our dearest friends, and our favors were MASON JARS (because even feminists can be #basic y’all, it was 2012.) My mom made my dress and my dad made my cake and we ate the best vegetarian wedding food ever by Everyday Gourmet. Everyone cried.
We cherish the photos we have, but they aren’t Wedding Photos. I’ve made peace with that (and am eternally grateful to PJ for documenting it at all). But I wish I had had a better option.
So I started my business to be the photographer that I couldn’t find back then.
If you’re searching through what feels like endless websites full of gauzy tulle and people waxing poetic about how idyllic weddings are and that doesn’t fit you — we’re here. We’re realists. We love love, of course. But when we say that, we mean we love people and we love partnerships. We love supporting folks who intentionally navigate (and even disrupt) spaces that aren’t For Them.
David + Juana's Private Baltimore Clocktower Wedding Ceremony + Reception Party
Meet the Couple
Juana and David had their wedding ceremony in one of the most unique wedding “venues” I’ve ever been to: The Bromo Seltzer Arts Tower. Getting to the spot required an elevator ride, a ladder climb, and some careful stepping around actual giant clock machinery, but it was SO WORTH IT. The intimate vibe — just Juana, David, their officiant, and myself were present — made way for so much beautiful, real, raw emotion and one of the most genuine ceremonies I’ve ever witnessed.
Second-favorite thing about David and Juana’s celebration: THE STYLE, Y’ALL. These two radiate confidence in their quirky selves. Juana rocked the combination of ballgown, glam jewelry, tattoos, glasses (#brideswearingspecs, YES), and leather jacket. David was a dapper dad in a burnt orange wool blazer, jewel-toned bowtie, his own glasses and tattoos, and a rad boutonniere that tied the whole look together. To any other groom considering a non-suit, or a non-traditional-color suit, GO FOR IT. Look at David. Be like David.
After their micro ceremony, we took the limo to pick up their two kiddos and made a quick pit stop at their favorite bar for some pinball. Because couples that play together, STAY TOGETHER, friends. It’s real. After that, we popped over to the Corradetti Glassblowing Studio where their reception party was starting to roll! Moment of honestly: it is very rare for the Carly Romeo & Co team to shoot at the same venue more than once — not because we tend to trash the place, but because our couples hail from so many different locations and have such unique tastes that it just so happens that we’re usually checking out new places every time. However, this is the second wedding we’ve shot at Corradetti (HAY Paige and Roger!) and we 100% endorse it as a place to celebrate your love. The glasswork there is gorgeous and the whole place has a very “art is made here” vibe, which we are all about. So Baltimore-area folks: take note!
Anyway, back to Juana and David. Their reception at Corradetti was a candlelit, colorful, beer-lover’s paradise. Instead of cake, they had an ice cream bar. I brought a polaroid camera for their daughters to play with, so there were polaroids a-plenty. There was dancing, and hugging, and so much JOY. It was epic, and we feel so lucky that we were invited to document it.
Their Wedding Photos
Wedding Vendors
PLANNING - Aimee Miller
CATERING - Zeffert & Gold
VENUE - Corradetti
FLORALS - The Modest Florist
DESSERT - The Charmery
DRESS - Maggie Sottero
SUIT - Brooks Brothers
HAIR | MAKEUP - Elite Secrets Bridal Boutique
DJ - DJ Landis
Rory + Lane's Studio Two Three Dance Party Wedding
Meet the Couple
The first time I spoke to Rory and Lane, I knew they were Our People. They are adventurers, dirt-bikers, crafty smarty-pants types who were actually planning TWO wedding celebrations: one in the woods that involved quirky costumes and wigs, and one here in Richmond. When we talked, though, they told me that they were tentatively planning to have the Richmond wedding at Quirk (a venue I know and love), but I asked if they had considered Studio Two Three, the artist co-working/co-making space that Carly Romeo & Co calls home. S23 had just started doing weddings in our new event space, and I knew Rory and Lane would be PERFECT for the space. I was thrilled when they told me later that they had decided to book S23!
Things just got more and more exciting from there. They hired my favorite florist, Amanda Burnette, and asked her to create a meadow-ish look inside the space with an “elevated rainbow” pallette (and damn, did Amanda deliver)! Then Rory and Lane added all their own touches to the event: origami cranes, a cat as a guest, pizza + fried chicken, mixed-gender wedding parties (my fave), hilarious + profanity-laced toasts, and loads of enthusiastic dancing. DJ Ant Boogie had everyone shaking it late into the night, and soon after Lane and Rory embarked on a 3-month exploration of southeast Asia (that I’ve been following intrepidly on social media).
We are always so grateful when our couples love to celebrate but also bring a spirit of silliness and joy to the whole experience — because weddings aren’t meant to be stuffy and uncomfortably formal, they are meant to be bursts of happiness and community. Rory and Lane nailed that feeling, and we’re so grateful that we were there to document it!
The Wedding Photos
Preparation
Ceremony
Portraits
Reception
Vendors
WEDDING PLANNER - Christine Greenberg @ The Hive Wedding Co.
HAIR | MAKEUP - Elle Style Studio
FLORALS - Amanda Burnette
FOOD - Mean Bird, River City Wood Fired Pizza
BAKERY - Pearl’s Cupcake Shoppe
DJ - Ant Boogie
JEWELER - Young in the Mountains
STATIONERY - Minted
FURNITURE RENTALS - Paisley & Jade
4 Things That Don't Matter When Choosing your Wedding Photographer
We started doing wedding photography to be the progressive, feminist option in a very traditional industry, and over the years we’ve realized that there are some things that just don’t matter when you’re trying to find the right photographer for you and your boo. Other advice articles about finding the right wedding photographer give you laundry lists of things to worry about, so here are four things that you can stop caring about right now! You’re welcome.
1. IT DOESN’T MATTER WHAT WORDS WEDDING PHOTOGRAPHERS USE TO DESCRIBE THEIR STYLE
Words are just words, and you’re looking for someone who creates images that make you FEEL something. Who cares if they call themselves “classic,” “photojournalistic” or “high fashion”? Anyone can call themselves anything on the internet. Look at lots of work and take note of photos that make you stop scrolling.
2. IT DOESN’T MATTER WHAT TYPE OF GEAR THEY HAVE
Do you really care if someone shoots Nikon, Canon, Fuji, or Sony? Probably not. Instead you should consider whether or not they’re running their business right. Do they have a professional email and website? Do they create official contracts and invoices? Are they insured? When you request a full wedding gallery, do they send you a link to a gallery site or use Dropbox?
3. IT DOESN’T MATTER IF THEY ARE “FULL TIME”
Here’s an industry secret: there’s a lot of debate as to what being a “full time” photographer means. Does it mean you don’t have a day job, or that you shoot a certain number of weddings per year?? We don’t believe that having a Day Job makes someone any less of a photographer. As long as their past clients are thrilled with their photos and experience, their photos make you feel something (see #1) and they’re running a real business (see #2), who cares if they only shoot ten weddings a year?
4. IT DOESN’T MATTER HOW MANY FOLLOWERS OR LIKES THEY HAVE
The only “like” that matters is whether or not you and your future spouse like them, and can see yourselves spending the entire wedding day with them. Do they have 20K+ followers but they’re super Trumpy and don’t shoot LGBTQ couples? Give your money to someone else. Finding a photographer who is friendly, cool under pressure, encouraging, and politically aligned is way more valuable than being photographed by someone whose work seems great but who makes you feel awkward.
Think we might be the right photographers for y’all?
Andrew + Ryan's New Year's Eve Soiree Wedding
Meet the Couple
In an attempt to stave off the crushing dread of The News and The State of Our Country, I've been going back and looking at photos taken over the past year that never made it on the blog. Because when you feel hopeless and defeated, one good option is to spread love, loudly and proudly. Special shout-out to all y'all who are planning a wedding but this political climate is seriously putting a damper on your vibe. Stay strong.
Andrew + Ryan married each other at a FREEZING private ceremony at one of the most beautiful monuments on the National Mall. They continued the celebration with a community ceremony and swanky soirée at a local restaurant, complete with rainbow-and-confetti dance party and traditional Latin American New Year's traditions (see if you can spot the photo of them, and Andrew's mom, with grapes stuffed in their mouths). It was sparkly and beautiful and perfect.
Their Wedding Pictures
Ceremony + Portraits
Indoor Ceremony
Reception
Louise + Ashton's Backyard Mountaintop Wedding
Their Wedding Photos
Preparation
Ceremony
Portraits
Reception
15+ First Dance Songs That Aren't Totally Cliche
I first published this post in 2014, and since then (of course) I’ve had many more thoughts on first dance songs that don’t fall in the sweet-but-basic category. A little bit of backstory:
I can't even remember how many times my Google skills failed me when my partner and I were looking for a good first dance song that hasn't been played to death. Sure, I love At Last as much as any other warm-blooded human, but I wanted something with a little more personality. Searches for "Cool First Dance Songs", "Non-cheesy First Dance Songs" and "First Dance Songs That Are Actually Unique" didn't turn up much. Finally, we settled on a less-coupley, more universally optimistic option: Put A Little Love in Your Heart (by Jackie DeShannon, but performed by our dear friends The Significant Others). Key lyrics: Put a little love in your heart / and the world will be a better place. True of many things, including relationships.
Now it’s 2019 and I’m happy to let you know that we’ve added a bunch of new contenders to this list — and it’s now available on Spotify. Happy listening, friends :)
PLAYLIST HIGHLIGHTS (with favorite lyrics)
"The Book of Love" by the Magnetic Fields: The book of love has music in it / In fact that's where music comes from / Some of it is just transcendental / Some of it is just really dumb but / I / I love it when you sing to me and / You / You can sing me anything.
"At My Most Beautiful" by REM: You always listen carefully / to awkward rhymes. / You always say your name / like I wouldn't know it's you / at your most beautiful.
"You and I" by Ingrid Michaelson: So I will help you read those books / If you will soothe my worried looks / And we will put the lonesome on the shelf.
"She Keeps Me Warm" by Mary Lambert: She says I smell like safety and home / I named both of her eyes “Forever” and “Please don’t go".
"Prime Time" by Janelle Monae (featuring Miguel): Cause baby it's a prime time for our love / Ain't nobody peekin' but the stars above / It's a prime time for our love / And heaven is betting on us.
"Songbird" by Fleetwood Mac: To you, I'll give the world / to you, I'll never be cold / 'Cause I feel that when I'm with you, / It's alright, I know it's right.
"Question" by Old 97s: Someday somebody's gonna ask you / A question that you should say yes to / Once in your life.
"I Love How You Love Me" cover by Jeff Mangum of Neutral Milk Hotel: I love the way your kiss is always heavenly / But darling, most of all / I love how you love me.
"You Make Me Smile" by Aloe Blacc: I'm beaming like the sun now how can that be / see the answer to the query is very simple / I'm always grinning from dimple to dimple / because you love me unconditionally.
"Riches and Wonders" by The Mountain Goats: We are filled with riches and wonders / Our loves keeps the things it finds / and we dance like drunken sailors / lost at sea, out of our minds.
"Set My Soul on Fire" by The War and Treaty: I said that I would never ever love again / But you set my soul on fire / I said no kind of love would ever pull me in
But you set my soul on fire
"One of My Kind" by Marie Danielle: I wanna know if you need a ride home / I wanna go, but not alone / I left the rest behind / honey you’re one of my kind.
"I Belong To You" by Brandi Carlile: I know I could be spending a little too much time with you / But time and too much don't belong together like we do / If I had all my yesterdays I'd give 'em to you too / I belong to you now / I belong to you
"When U Love Somebody" by Fruit Bats: When you love somebody it's hard to think about anything but to breathe.
"Dreaming of You" by Selena: Late at night when all the world is sleeping / I stay up and think of you / And I still can't believe / That you came up to me and said I love you / I love you too