Hex the Patriarchy with This Witchy Wedding Inspiration
Anyone else trying to hex Brett Kavanaugh (any maybe Susan Collins while we’re at it)???
The news the past few weeks has been HARD, y’all. Fucking hard. I’m not a firm believer in all things woo, but I know that women are full of rage that a drunken frat boy dipped in partisanship is about to become a Supreme Court Justice. So here are a handful of photos from a shoot I did many autumns ago that was created to remind us of all the power women can’t see, but we can feel. And if anyone wants to use these as inspiration to hex Brett Kavanaugh, you have my full fucking support.
FLORALS - Amanda Burnette
VENUE - Seven Springs
HAIR/MAKEUP - Slingin Pretty
STYLING - Heather Lewis
Why you need a feminist wedding photographer
I've tried several times to articulate (for myself, and for others) what it means to be a feminist wedding photographer, but this time I think I've really got it down! It's hard to write about feminism and other political things without implying that people who see things otherwise are Doing it Wrong, but I believe that people doing what they actively want--and not mindlessly doing what is expected of them--is the real important thing.
Being a feminist involved in the wedding industry, and in photography specifically, can be overwhelming. There are a lot of gender-related expectations tied up in American wedding culture, and I learned this firsthand last year as my partner and I planned a wedding-esque celebration of our love. While researching photographers to capture the event, I was inundated with language focusing almost exclusively on The Bride (™) and what The Bride (™) wants/needs/should look like in order to properly execute The Best Day of Her Life (™). I found this on photographer websites, in promotional material, on Pinterest, on Etsy, and many other online and offline spaces.
However, through feminism my relationship has grown to value equity and mutual respect, so I didn't feel like the celebration was meant to celebrate ME, but rather our partnership. Thanks to feminism, I define my life by more than my marital/relationship status, so I kinda find the thought that the best day of my entire life took place when I was just 26 years old a little bit depressing. So after twisting the arm of a photographer friend who usually shoots hardcore punk shows, I vowed (har har) to be the photographer that I would have wanted at my own love party: a feminist photographer.
Some might think that viewing weddings through a feminist lens (har har again) makes for a narrower view, but I disagree. Feminist wedding photography actually creates more dimension because it's about documenting love and relationships and happiness beyond the traditional [heterosexist] narrative of Boy-Meets-Girl, Boy Proposes, etc. Being a feminist wedding photographer means celebrating the individuals and their partnership as unique and wonderful things. It means:
- Appreciating and highlighting the ways my clients decide to embrace or shirk tradition/capitalism and taking the pictures that are important to them (from their grandparents doing the Cupid Shuffle down to macro images of rings on foliage) because they are meaningful (and let's face it, pretty) -- not because that's what Weddings Have To Be Like.
- Capturing the physical beauty of the day but focusing less on what your hair looks like (though I'm sure it looks amazing) and more on the emotional beauty: how much you laughed listening to your college roommate talk about what a slob you were, your new spouse's face watching you dance with your parent, the pure joy and warmth of your arms around each other after a first look.
- Thinking outside the box in terms of posing and composition; recognizing that everyone is on a spectrum of masculinity and femininity and not boxing folks into traditional gender roles.
- Mindfully not taking part in the stress and pressure generated by the Wedding Industry during the planning stages and acting as a wedding doula day-of by being supportive, positive, and drama-free.
So if you know someone in your life who's planning to get hitched (legally or not), spread the word! Feminist wedding photographers are the way to go. You can get more info about my work specifically by emailing me: carly carlyromeo com or using this handy contact form.
DISCLAIMER: The post assumes that you are in the position of hiring a wedding photographer in the first place. Engaged folks or other soon-to-be committed couples who aren't planning on hiring a professional photographer for whatever reason (budget, politics, disinterest, etc): more power to you!
*I originally published this when my business was a tiny baby business, back in 2014.
Noor & Matt's Industrial Wasteland Engagement Session
I thought about letting these photos speak for themselves, because when a couple asks to shoot in an "industrial wasteland" and one of them is wearing a saree, you know the photos are gonna say something.
But Noor and Matt's pre-wedding session, which was shot by Matt, had more backstory that needs to be shared. Noor is a Pakistani who has lived in the U.S since 2008, but her family still lives in the motherland. She moved to DC in 2012 and fell in love with Matt at a May Day rally and protest at the White House, where they battled some racist neo-Nazis together. So when they inquired I was already like YES YOU ARE OUR PEOPLE.
I'll let Noor tell the story from there: "We flirted, and dated and have consequently been together since May Day 2013. I work at a DC based worker-owned collective and Matt works at a HVAC company in VA. Matt is born and raised in Richmond and loves it nearly, and we've spent a lot of time back and forth from DC and Richmond. I come from a family who had always imagined me to be forever betrothed to a man that fit the demographics of Muslim+Pakistani. But, now I got this white punk kid I love dearly from Richmond, Virginia. We don't have any nice photos just being our silly selves, just selfies of us sweating at marches. So, this request is for a photo-shoot the morning before our wedding lunch (in December we're all headed to Pakistan for a big old wedding there), just us looking fly."
I love their story and these photos and I'm so thankful for couples who care about making this world a better place. And I'm thankful for my associate photographer, Matt, who totally nailed these images.
E & C Engagement Session at Humpback Rock, Virginia
I'm trying to blog more, despite being knee-deep in my editing pile, so here are a few favorite moments from last month's trek to Humpback Rock with C, E, and their two pups. I love spending time with my couples before their wedding day so we can get to know each other, laugh together, talk about favorite music and vacation spots, and just generally diffuse the jitters. I don't always recommend doing this on giant rock cliffs but these two are pretty adventurous people, so...
K & L's Posh Private Wedding Ceremony and Dance Party in Washington, D.C.
K & L's wedding had so many of the elements that make shooting weddings fun: unique format (private, super-small ceremony on Friday night and a big reception party on Saturday), relaxed vibe (they were firmly in the we-just-wanna-marry-each-other-so-bad camp), style out the wazoo (BRIDAL JUMPSUIT Y'ALL), delicious chocolate desserts (even the photographer's gotta eat, y'all) and plenty of enthusiastic dancing. I almost died of excitement when I first chatted with these two, who are badass law-types. You know how sometimes you meet someone and you just know that you want to hang out with them more? It was that feeling. I arrived at the wedding and felt immediately like I belonged, and there were endless genuine moments of joy and delight to capture. Here are some of those moments from their Saturday celebration.
Photo Albums Make Amazing Gifts and Are Just All Around Awesome
After two years of shooting 25+ weddings per year and delivering tens of thousands of photos to some of the coolest people I've ever met, I still felt sad that most of those images lived mostly on hard drives, USBs, Facebook, and Instagram. After about a dozen weddings with this new system in place, let me tell you: It was 100% the right thing to do!
So here's my quick and dirty sales pitch for why you should get a photo album if you haven't already (and why you should order one in the next couple weeks for your folks):
Photo albums create an opportunity to engage in-person with your friends and family—which is probably one of the reasons you had a wedding in the first place, right?
They give you a chance to interact with and appreciate your photos whenever you happen to pass by the album (which doesn't happen very much when they're posted online).
If you're more of a future-thinker, the heirloom quality of the album company we work with means it will last for years/generations. Plus, check out that sweet, sweet layflat action and super thick pages below. Yum.
Convinced yet? Email Studio Manager Fin (fin@carlyromeo.com) to start the photo album design process in the next couple weeks for delivery by late December!
Three Things To Do Before Your Engagement/Couples' Shoot
Photo by Wojtek of Voytek London Wedding Photography
Two weeks ago, I was lucky enough to be invited to present at SNAP Photo Festival as part of the Catalyst team and while teaching about how to break out of traditional gender roles when working with couples was AWESOME, I was blown away by how much I learned from the other teachers and my fellow photographers. (Thanks Wojtek of Voytek London Wedding Photography for the photo of my class! I'm hiding on the far left)
Post-SNAP, one of the things I'm really inspired to push myself further on is engagement/couples' sessions. As someone who hates being photographed myself, I'm excited to start fine-tuning my process in order to create the MOST fun experience -- and the MOST beautiful, true-to-who-you-are photos.
SO as a starting point, I'm sharing my three best engagement/couples' session prep tips. I'm planning to share this article with my future couples so they know what to expect and how to get the most out of our time together, but hopefully it can be helpful to others as well!
THREE TIPS FOR RAD ENGAGEMENT/COUPLES' PHOTOS
1. Plan what you will wear.
I'm often asked what a couple should wear for a photo session, and I love to respond with the not-super-helpful "whatever makes you feel fab!" but that is really the most important part. You don't have to worry about "matching" each other, color-wise, but instead try to plan outfits that are comparably fancy (or not-fancy). For example, if one of you is wearing a cocktail dress, the other should avoid a beachy maxi dress. Or if one person is wearing cargo shorts and a polo shirt, the other should go for something more casual than a suit and tie. Other general tips: opt for solid colors whenever possible, avoid logos and items with words on them, and wear comfortable shoes. Bonus points: wear something with MOVEMENT!
2. Fuck expectations.
Overwhelmed with the amount of "should"s involved in this process? Guess what: fuck 'em. Are you dying to wear androgynous clothes but think you "should" be more femme/masculine? Fuck it. Do you hate getting bug bites but feel like you "should" do your photos in an epic meadow of wildflowers? Fuck it. In the age of Pinterest and Instagram, there are countless poses and themes to emulate; we're not copying those. Instead, we'll go someplace you like (Art museum? Farm? Cafe? Mountaintop?), and do something you like (Look at art? Milk cows? Drink coffee? Fireside sing-a-long?) and I'll take photos. There's usually some off-roading, some go-stand-over-there-no-wait-over-there-ing, and we'll probably play some silly games. The goal of the session is to capture your relationship in a series of photographs, so the only thing you should be worried about is being yourselves, in love -- not trying to recreate something from the internet or doing what you feel obligated to do.
3. Mentally prepare to get be in front of a camera (and ignore it).
My engagement/couples' sessions are designed to feel more like a fun date (albeit with a third wheel) than a cheesy posing experience, so my priority is to help you forget about the camera and enjoy one another. In most cases, that means you'll be squeezing/snuggling/smooching/hand-holding/etc quite a bit, but I promise if you go with the flow and focus on each other, it won't be as awkward as it sounds. Remember: a (consensual) butt grab is always appropriate. If you're extra nervous and are a person who enjoys adult refreshments, it can help to partake--in moderation!--beforehand. If you're more of a meditation person, that also works.
That's it! I'll help you find a good spot, advise on the best time of day, and bring my camera. If you're wearing something that gives you some swagger, not worrying about doing it "right," and focusing on loving each other, you're golden.
Laura + Dean's Feminist Wedding at Hermitage Museum & Gardens in Norfolk, VA
Every wedding is beautiful, but some weddings have elements that stick with you for months and months afterward. Laura and Dean's wedding was one of those gets-in-your-heart-and-stays-there types of weddings. Favorite details included: they intentionally only hired women- and/or LGBTQ-owned business as their vendors; Laura specifically requested that guests not stand when she walked down the aisle (badass feminist bride much??); a wedding ceremony that included a reading of Brandi Carlile lyrics; and a bright blue vintage VW "getaway van." Thank you for inviting us to document such a beautiful, sweaty-dance-party celebration, you two!
Check the vendor list at the bottom for details, including where she got that killer dress.
Second/support shooting provided by Shawnee Custalow
VENDORS
Venue: Hermitage Museum & Gardens
Planner: Tanya Keller @ Jane of All Trades
Caterer: East Beach Catering
Event Rentals: Distinctive Event Rentals
Florist: Laurel & Sarah @ New Leaf
Baker: Incredible Edibles
Dress: Reem Acra
Suit: Suit Supply
Quartet: Harbor String Quartet
DJ: Roger @ Astro Entertainment DJ
Makeup: Blushtones
Hair: Flawless
Videographer: The Girl Tyler
Paper Products/Graphic Design: Pat @ Pat Squared Design (Laura's Mom!!)
Emily + Sam's Intimate Park Wedding in Richmond, Virginia
Anyone who has spent time in the land of wedding photography knows that most weddings found on the internet (blogs, photographer websites, etc) share the common qualities of being pristinely curated, insanely expensive, production-value-aware, and seemingly perfect. But these are not the things that make our hearts go pitter-patter. Instead, we are excited by the low-key, the simple, and the gorgeously un-perfect. When Emily and Sam came to the studio to talk about us shooting their wedding day, which consisted of a 30-guest ceremony at a local park and a stroll back to their home where the reception would be held, I was so excited I could burst. I knew that their celebration would be beautiful, but I also knew it wasn't going to be all about the perfect shot of her engagement ring emerging from a flower (WHY) or an overly-polished, strict-to-the-minute timeline. Their wedding day was relaxed. It was honest. It embraced and celebrated the work-in-progress spirit of their home (and their relationship). It included a special, sacred, personal portion of the ceremony during which photography was not allowed--even by me (and I wasn't mad about it). It was exactly the kind of thing I started shooting weddings to be part of: personal, un-fussy, and romantic in its realism. I am so excited to share their day as my first 2016 wedding on the blog.
// c
