Three Things To Do Before Your Engagement/Couples' Shoot
Photo by Wojtek of Voytek London Wedding Photography
Two weeks ago, I was lucky enough to be invited to present at SNAP Photo Festival as part of the Catalyst team and while teaching about how to break out of traditional gender roles when working with couples was AWESOME, I was blown away by how much I learned from the other teachers and my fellow photographers. (Thanks Wojtek of Voytek London Wedding Photography for the photo of my class! I'm hiding on the far left)
Post-SNAP, one of the things I'm really inspired to push myself further on is engagement/couples' sessions. As someone who hates being photographed myself, I'm excited to start fine-tuning my process in order to create the MOST fun experience -- and the MOST beautiful, true-to-who-you-are photos.
SO as a starting point, I'm sharing my three best engagement/couples' session prep tips. I'm planning to share this article with my future couples so they know what to expect and how to get the most out of our time together, but hopefully it can be helpful to others as well!
THREE TIPS FOR RAD ENGAGEMENT/COUPLES' PHOTOS
1. Plan what you will wear.
I'm often asked what a couple should wear for a photo session, and I love to respond with the not-super-helpful "whatever makes you feel fab!" but that is really the most important part. You don't have to worry about "matching" each other, color-wise, but instead try to plan outfits that are comparably fancy (or not-fancy). For example, if one of you is wearing a cocktail dress, the other should avoid a beachy maxi dress. Or if one person is wearing cargo shorts and a polo shirt, the other should go for something more casual than a suit and tie. Other general tips: opt for solid colors whenever possible, avoid logos and items with words on them, and wear comfortable shoes. Bonus points: wear something with MOVEMENT!
2. Fuck expectations.
Overwhelmed with the amount of "should"s involved in this process? Guess what: fuck 'em. Are you dying to wear androgynous clothes but think you "should" be more femme/masculine? Fuck it. Do you hate getting bug bites but feel like you "should" do your photos in an epic meadow of wildflowers? Fuck it. In the age of Pinterest and Instagram, there are countless poses and themes to emulate; we're not copying those. Instead, we'll go someplace you like (Art museum? Farm? Cafe? Mountaintop?), and do something you like (Look at art? Milk cows? Drink coffee? Fireside sing-a-long?) and I'll take photos. There's usually some off-roading, some go-stand-over-there-no-wait-over-there-ing, and we'll probably play some silly games. The goal of the session is to capture your relationship in a series of photographs, so the only thing you should be worried about is being yourselves, in love -- not trying to recreate something from the internet or doing what you feel obligated to do.
3. Mentally prepare to get be in front of a camera (and ignore it).
My engagement/couples' sessions are designed to feel more like a fun date (albeit with a third wheel) than a cheesy posing experience, so my priority is to help you forget about the camera and enjoy one another. In most cases, that means you'll be squeezing/snuggling/smooching/hand-holding/etc quite a bit, but I promise if you go with the flow and focus on each other, it won't be as awkward as it sounds. Remember: a (consensual) butt grab is always appropriate. If you're extra nervous and are a person who enjoys adult refreshments, it can help to partake--in moderation!--beforehand. If you're more of a meditation person, that also works.
That's it! I'll help you find a good spot, advise on the best time of day, and bring my camera. If you're wearing something that gives you some swagger, not worrying about doing it "right," and focusing on loving each other, you're golden.
What to Expect When People Are Expecting Your Wedding: Set a Decision Date
A Time Warp.
By: Super Meredith
You know those days when you get to work and realize you don’t even remember driving/walking/biking there because you were so zoned out or lost in thought?
I’m almost exactly a month away from my wedding day right now and lemme tell ya, the time has FLOWN by with me barely realizing it. Time flies by everyday anyway at this age, but it’s crazy to think that in only 30 short days or so I will be marrying the guy who I’m so incredibly in love with, whom I didn’t even know only a handful of years ago. My how things can change (for so much good) in such a relatively short amount of time.
In these past nine months or so of wedding planning it seems that it’s been one task after another, almost just going through the motions of doing, doing, doing, deciding, deciding, deciding. And you want to slow down, and to pause, and to take it all in and enjoy your “wedding planning time” but the reality of it all can be a bit more sobering.
There’s things that have to be decided on that you’ve never thought about before (like “Who do I know that is able to accurately pin a boutonnière on someone and will that person be able and willing to be in this exact place at this exact time to do that?” Or maybe “What the hell is a boutonnière?”). There are vendors who have to be negotiated with, kept in regular touch with and coordinated. Even if you have a small at-home potluck-style wedding, the guests bringing the food serve as a food “vendor” for all intensive purposes. There are things you have to do to make sure that your marriage is legal and legit like go to the courthouse to get your marriage certificate and decide on (and coordinate) who will officiate your ceremony. And there’s of course the underlying topic of money and costs to figure out, discuss and budget through every decision and task. PHEW! That’s a lot. And that’s barely scraping the surface of all of the things.
So here’s my solution: give yourself a cut-off date that all of the things will be decided on by. A specific date. Have your decisions made by that date. Let the people know who need to know. If questions arise after that (and surely they will), answer them as best you can with the information you have at that time – don’t go trying to seek a bunch of unnecessary new information, adding more tasks to your plate. I’ve also found one of the most helpful things for this to be having made a list of literally every single little (or big) task that needed to be done. It's best to do this at least three months out from the wedding. This can be a daunting task in itself though, so do it on a nice day outside, or with a glass of wine, or your favorite music playing. But believe me, it will be a comforting lifesaver as the date gets closer. And don’t hesitate to add to it as things pop into your head – it will just feel even more amazing to cross that many things off of it.
Most importantly, after that cut-off date, step out of the time warp. Actively remind yourself how close you are to that amazing day and instead of filling your head with decisions and thoughts about times, colors, and details, fill that space with thoughts and reflections on your soon-to-be spouse, and your relationship together, and how exciting it is going to be to start a whole new phase of life together. Take the time to appreciate all of your hard work and effort in putting your wedding together, regardless of how big it will be. Because we all know how fast time flies, and before you know it, the day will be here – and on that day you want to be able to relish in all of the moments of that day, enjoy yourself, and enjoy each other.
What To Expect When People Are Expecting Your Wedding: Writing Your Vows
much ado about "I Do"
By Super Meredith
Vows mean different things to different people. Some think of them as the necessity of their ceremony that legally binds them for all of eternity, some think of them as a chance to freely express themselves to each other outside of all of the other predetermined formalities of the ceremony, and some don’t think about them at all until they’re asked to “repeat after me.” The bottom line is that all of these things are true and valid and just fine.
There’s no one right answer to what vows are and what they should mean to you. Generally speaking though, they are the spoken words of promise that you will make to one another to love each other – in whatever way, shape or format those words may turn out to be spoken. So they should will be meaningful to you regardless.
Given this, you have a couple of options of how you can handle the vows for your ceremony: you can either repeat a string of sentences that your officiant gives to you, of which can be straight from The Book of your religious or spiritual choice or loosely based off words from The Book, or you can write them yourself and read them (or recite them from memory if you’re extra talented and confident). Some people prefer to repeat and recite, some people prefer to write and recite. It’s also worth noting that depending on your religious or cultural traditions, there may be certain precedents in place for this if you so choose to follow them. Point being, you have options so go with your gut on what feels right for you and your partner and how you want things to flow.
Personally, my soon-to-be spouse and I chose to write our own vows. We’re both very sentimental people who love to express ourselves and our thoughts and feelings to one another on a regular basis, so it just felt right for us to read something in our own words from our hearts and minds rather than repeating what was written by someone else. We are also more so writers than public speakers, so that too played a role in our decision.
Though as I began writing my vows, I found myself wondering “What format should this be in? A letter recounting our experiences together and my plans for keeping our love alive in the future? Bullet points on each and every thing I promise to do or not do? How long should they be? Then I realized (after doing a little educated research and interviewing others on their experiences of course) that your vows can be whatever you want them to be. That, no matter what, those vows will be the spoken words of our promise to love each other, and we will both feel that in that moment and boy will that be special. After that, the words just flowed. I had to do some serious editing and paring down as I just LOVE to reminisce, but overall I am more than happy with our decision to write our own and can’t wait to read them to each other during our ceremony. Now if I can just manage to keep the tears at bay!
What to Expect When People Are Expecting Your Wedding: Confronting Tradition
Ridiculous Myths and “Traditions” That Make You Question Too Much.
By Super Meredith
Remember when you were a kid and you would avoid stepping on cracks in the sidewalk at all costs because you were sure if you accidentally did, you’d somehow manage to break your grandma’s back in that same moment? Phew, good thing you grew up and realized that’s JUST NOT TRUE.
Of course in the meantime, you wound up subconsciously picking up all sorts of “adult” mumbo-jumbo to believe in, and now you’re planning your wedding around certain matters that may be creating more complications for you than excitement and you’re not even sure why. Don’t worry, here’s a virtual glass of cold water to the face for you – take it with a grain of salt or a big sigh of relief.
It’s best to start your ceremony on the “upswing” of the clock (4:30pm vs. 4pm or 5pm) for good luck and in order to start your marriage on the “upswing.”
God forbid you don’t follow this rule, maybe to save a little money and avoid the “extra hour” fee from your vendors, maybe because the natural light will be best a half hour earlier or later, maybe because your invitations have already been printed and sent out, or maybe just because. Either way, it’s a superstition and you will be sure to have a lovely lifetime of marriage together if you work hard at loving one another, communicating, and laughing at the silly things in life.
Getting married on an odd numbered day is bad luck (same goes for the 13ths, holidays, divorced parent’s anniversaries, etc.)
Ok, maybe you don’t want to get married on the same day as your now divorced parents, that’s understandable. But if you think your marriage will be doomed just because the only available Saturday in the upcoming year at the place you’ve been dying to get married at is on the 11th, then you may need to consider talking through some fears and emotions with a counselor or friend. The calendar wasn’t invented by evil sorcerers to be used as a scare tactic. Imagine where we’d be or how anything would get done these days if no one scheduled anything on odd days!
It is forbidden to see one another on your wedding day until the ceremony starts.
This is nothing more than a personal decision. If you truly believe that you’ll go to hell if you violate this tradition, then you probably shouldn’t do it. It’s ok to have beliefs and morals and values that are important to you – everyone should. It’s also ok to decide to see one another if that’s what feels right to you and your spouse. “First looks” may be all the rage these days compared to twenty years ago, but that’s also because we’re more open about our thoughts these days and not afraid to think twice about what truly matters to us. See previous post "4 Reasons to do a First Look" here for more on why this can be a beneficial moment on your wedding day.
So if you’re anxious about the big day and think you’d be comforted to have a few moments with your loved one who you’re about to pledge to spend the rest of your life with (who by the way, is also probably just as anxious as you are), then talk about this together, go over some options of how you might like to spend those moments together (maybe it involves breakfast together, maybe it just involves holding hands on either side of a door without actually seeing one another), and make sure you do what feels right for you.
Are there any other myths or alleged "traditions" that you've had a nice laugh at?
How to Deal When People Are Expecting Your Wedding: Handling Unwanted Questions
Hey folks! Super Meredith, TSP Studio Manager here. Welcome to the first edition of my blog series What to Expect When People Are Expecting Your Wedding. In these weekly posts, I'll share with you what I've learned from my own recent experiences wading through the waters of planning my own wedding. Hopefully these can bring some helpful insight to those who are soon-to-be or recently engaged, and bring a little humor and relief in knowing you're not alone to those who are also currently in the throes of planning your own wedding.
Lots of questions. Lots of the same questions, over and over from lots of people.
Have you picked a date? What are your colors? These come early and often.
A lot of people asking these questions have been far removed from wedding planning for some time or have never been through it at all, so they may not be aware of some of the other minor details that are more important to you to figure out first. Like, do you want to have a small, intimate event or a large one? Or, where do you see yourselves pledging your eternal love to one another – on a mountaintop? A secluded beach at sunset? A church? Your backyard?
You can see how one question can so easily snowball into ten more questions. These may even just be swirling around inside your own mind, while you’re eating your cereal or running on the treadmill, without anyone else even prompting them. But then other people start asking them too (probably because you haven’t told them what your date or colors are yet and THEY NEED ANSWERS). This tends to lead to a few realizations at this point: that you will in fact have to make some decisions whether you like it or not, that you need to have answers of some sort about some thing/time/flavor/song or another to satisfy people’s curiosity, and that some of these things matter to you a lot and some just don't matter in the least bit to you at all.
Ultimately, you and your soon-to-be spouse are the only ones who know the best way for you to prioritize these impending decisions, so take them at your own pace. You may have a much clearer picture of where you’d like to say your vows as opposed to when, or you may be envisioning a certain season, holding a certain type of flower. Point is, these things can all influence each other, so choose to think about what’s important to you and your spouse – not what other people want to hear about.
I do suggest that once you nail down your venue and/or date, that you decide on at least a few things, no matter how minute they may seem to others, every couple weeks or months. This will give people something to talk about and give you a couple more weeks of peace and calm. It will also assure that your wedding will actually happen one day (and then you can be through with all the planning and go on with enjoying your life together!).
So if this is the beginning of your planning time and you’re already overwhelmed from the questions and decisions, don’t fret – here are some random questions that will hopefully be fun and helpful for you to think about AND put some of the Questioneers at bay... for now:
Do you want to take your honeymoon somewhere far away or local?
Will your pets be involved in the ceremony?
What type of desserts might you all want?
Who do you see officiating your ceremony? (A religious official? Family Member? Friend?)
What questions do you/did you most enjoy answering about your wedding plans?
Four Reasons to Do a First Look at Your Wedding
A question I often receive from couples planning out their wedding day is "What's this whole 'first look' thing? Is it just some trendy fad we're going to regret later? Are there any advantages to scheduling a first look into our day?" For those of you in that position: you are not alone! Here are four great reasons to go for a first look, if that's something you and your partner are considering.
1. Chance to enjoy a (mostly) private moment with your partner, share in the excitement of the day, and diffuse stress.
Let’s be real: there is a lot of pressure put on "seeing each other for the first time at the ceremony” (particularly for heterosexual couples). However, when that moment actually comes, the fact that there is a crowd of people watching you can affect the expression of true emotion (by either stifling it or making it over-the-top performative). With a first look, you get to have some time together (with your photographer snapping quietly in the background) to really soak it in and be in the moment together. In my experience, this doesn't "take away" from the first moment in the ceremony (which is what I think many people worry about) but it actually relieves a little bit of the tightness and stress and allows for people to be purely excited in the ceremony vs excited and nervous and self-conscious about how they are reacting, etc. I describe it as getting a two-for-one deal: you get the pure joy and stress relief of seeing each other beforehand, sharing a kiss or hug or squeeze and maybe a tear or two without having to worry about people watching you AND you get the joy and excitement of seeing each other at the ceremony, but are able to be a little more relaxed and present!
2. More time in the day spent with your partner.
With a first look, you get to spend more time on your wedding day together, and that is awesome. You only get one wedding day! Almost every couple who does a first look remarks about how happy they are that they were able to spend a little more time together during the day, because it goes by so fast!
3. Better schedule flow (and actually going to cocktail hour).
If you opt for a first look, you can also get lots of the formal photos out of the way before the ceremony even starts, like family groupings or wedding party shots with everyone in them. Without a first look, pre-ceremony photos are usually person one + their family / person one + their side of the wedding party and then person two + their family / person two + their side of the wedding party, but after the ceremony you have to call everyone together again to do shots with everyone together. With a first look, afterwards you can do whole wedding party shots in addition to the separate ones, the couple with each person’s family, etc. That means that between the ceremony and reception, you can spend some time with your photographer taking photos of the two of you and then you can actually go enjoy your cocktail hour.
4. Guaranteed good light and good angles for your photos.
Because your photographer will help you choose a spot for a first look, you are guaranteed beautiful light and nice photos of the moment. With the first-moment-walking-down-the-aisle scenario, because weddings are uncontrolled events, there's always a chance that the light will look less-than-ideal, or that someone will jump in front of your photographer, or something else will go awry that will detract from your photos. With a first look, you get up-close and lovely photos of that very special moment without having to worry about things outside of your (or your photographer’s) control.
*Ultimately, doing a first look or not is at the discretion of each couple, and any decision that reflects your wishes is a choice well-made. This list is meant to be a resource for couples considering doing a first look but who aren’t aware of the benefits.
Behind the Scenes: My Wedding Checklist
It's Friday! Yay! Today I've been inspired by my friend Tiffany of Tiffany Heidenthal Photography, who just posted her own Wedding Checklist, to share a little bit of the behind-the-scenes that goes into prepping for shooting a wedding. As she points out, photographers don't just show up, snap away, enjoy the free food and drink, sing along to every word of the Cupid Shuffle, and afterwards go home and pump out a ton of baller images. No, no, no. I distinctly remember finishing my Very First Wedding and feeling (a) unbelievably exhausted and (b) surprised at how exhausted I was. Little did I know that running around, carrying gear, corralling family members, and taking awesome photos takes A LOT OF WORK and, yes, A LOT OF PREPARATION. So here's what I do to prepare myself for tackling the amazing awesomeness of photographing badass wedding bashes!
TWO DAYS BEFORE WEDDING
Absolutely stop looking at other photographers' work/portfolios and comparing myself to them. I am really bad about this!
Study my "Swoonworthy Shots" folder - a collection of my own images that I think REALLY NAILED IT. These remind me of what I'm capable of from an artistic perspective and also what I'm good at from a technical perspective.
DAY BEFORE WEDDING
Charge all batteries.
Format all memory cards
CLEAN ALL THE THINGS
Pack bags (I use an ONA Union Street bag and a Lowepro Slingshot for all my camera goodies, plus an extra bag filled with "just in case" items like snacks, water bottles, safety pins, and Advil.)
I always try to do some kind of relaxing self-care the night before a wedding: either a nice Gilmore Girls watching sesh, an Aesop face mask, a manicure, or similar
Double/triple check logistical details and shot lists to make sure I know where I need to be and when.
DAY OF WEDDING
LEAVE HOME/HOTEL SUPER EARLY. That is a big one for me — I want to make sure I give myself enough time to find the venue, park, get a lay of the land, and ideally have about 5-10 minutes to just focus, breathe, and collect my thoughts.
Grab a coffee (but not a giant one).
ROCK OUT.
And there you have it! Stay tuned for more behind-the-scenes action later in the summer, or for even more of The Real Deal, follow me on instagram or like my page on Facebook! If you have any questions about my process, don't hesitate to email me!
3 Actually Useful Wedding Planning Tips (from a kickass wedding planner)
Christine with her dog Frank
Today in Two Spoons land we're kicking off a very exciting interview series featuring local RVA vendors who work in the wedding biz but don't have their heads stuffed full of tulle. YAY! First up, the amazing Christine Haines, planner/owner at Woodgrain and Lace and owner of the ultra-chic, completely fabulous brand new bridal shop, Urban Set Bride. Christine is a total dynamo and I knew from the first time I saw her work that I'd adore her. Today I asked Christine about the top three mistakes she sees couples making as they plan and now her tips are coming to you FREE as three delicious morsels of advice that you won't find anywhere else. You're welcome.
TIP #1: Don’t spend money on details that no one will remember.
Think about the last three weddings you went to and write down what you remember from those. Now think about the three things you want your guests to remember about your wedding and put your money towards that.
"I see so many couples stress out about recreating their Pinterest wedding, and most of those details will go unnoticed. Keep it simple, personal, and fun. At the end of the day, it’s a party."
TIP #2: Know your limits and understand where your frustrations might pop up, so that you can plan on how to avoid them.
Everyone is going to want to help, but that doesn’t mean they know what you want or how to do it. The best part about hiring a planner is you have someone to stay organized, and stay firm with your family members. You won’t have to be bossy and meltdown because your Aunt Mildred won’t stop asking you questions when she is just “trying to help.”
"I have a client who has a huge family and everyone wants to help. I created a detailed timeline, and assigned every family member with a task. Everyone has my cell phone number and they know exactly where they need to be, how they can help, and have firm instructions to relax and have fun after their task is complete. The couple isn’t bombarded with questions and the whole family feels like they contributed to the day."
TIP #3: Be very aware of your time and personality when choosing a venue.
With the plethora of “wedding porn” out there, the pressure to have an amazing offbeat venue with DIY amazingness scattered throughout. There is no shame in choosing a popular venue that doesn’t require much from you. The biggest wedding expense (aside from food and booze) is tables, chairs, linens, and décor. This stuff can really add up, so save yourself the trouble if you know you are going to be overwhelmed by the choices and the expense. Restrict yourself to a few DIY projects and stop looking at Pinterest at least thirty days before your wedding.
"I support a 'less is more' attitude to event décor and planning. I help create celebrations that represent the couple, not this creepy princess mindset that tradition tends to project."
BONUS TIPS (ones you may have heard before but are still worth sharing):
Hire a planner! Christine's goal as a planner is to exceed her fee in savings back to the client. Hiring someone who does this 14 plus times a year will save you money and headache in the long haul. Planners have vendor friends (see: this current article you're reading right now) that will cut them a deal, can review vendor contracts to ensure there isn’t a clause that will sneak up on you later, and will ask the questions you wouldn’t think to ask.
Take the advice of others lightly. Weddings, just like pregnancy, have become an outlet for everyone and their mother (literally) to offer their two cents whether you like it or not. Graciously thank but stay true to yourself.
4 DIY Infused Liquors for Unique Signature Cocktails
Feeling a little crafty? Want to experiment with some handmade booze options for your wedding reception, bridal shower, or just because? Have we got the project for you!
If you ask me, the world of flavored liquors has really gotten a little out of hand. Aside from bonkers flavors (Pecan Pie?) and questionable corporate partnerships (Cinnabon? Really?), the majority of flavored options are full of artificial everything. So if you want something with a little more pizazz and a lot fewer additives, here are four options for DIY flavored liquors (and recommended signature cocktails) that will knock your socks off!
1. Herbed Vodka
What you'll need:
an airtight jar (we got ours at AC Moore for $0.99 each)
decent vodka (enough to fill said jar)
fresh herbs (we used basil, mint, dill, and lemongrass)
plus a tiny bit of fresh ginger and a slice or two of lemon
How to do it:
Fill your jar with all your herbs and muddle them well.
Add your slice(s) of lemon, pour in the vodka, close jar, and give it a little shakey shake.
Store in a cool, dark place no more than 24 hours (or the herbs will make the vodka bitter).
After that, strain out your mix-ins and enjoy!
Best in:
Bloody Mary's and any cocktail that has apple or grapefruit juice.
2. Ginger Bourbon
What you'll need:
an airtight jar (we got ours at AC Moore for $0.99 each)
decent bourbon (enough to fill said jar)
fresh ginger
How to do it:
Fill your jar with a ton of sliced ginger.
Pour in bourbon, close jar, and give it a little shakey shake.
Store in a cool, dark place for 3-5 days (or as long as you like).
After that, strain out your ginger and enjoy!
Best in:
Juleps, hot toddys or any cocktail that calls for Fireball (we prefer the burn of ginger to the burn of cinnamon!)
3. Pinapple and Sage Tequila
What you'll need:
an airtight jar (we got ours at AC Moore for $0.99 each)
decent silver tequila (enough to fill said jar)
fresh pineapple
fresh sage
How to do it:
Fill your jar with three parts cubed pineapple for every one part sage.
Pour in tequila, close jar, and give it a little shakey shake.
Store in a cool, dark place for 2-3 days.
After that, strain out your mix-ins and enjoy!
Best in:
Margaritas or any cocktail that has Grand Marnier
4. Mango Rum
What you'll need:
an airtight jar (we got ours at AC Moore for $0.99 each)
decent rum (enough to fill said jar)
fresh mango
How to do it:
Fill your jar halfway with cubed mango.
Pour in rum, close jar, and give it a little shakey shake.
Store in a cool, dark place for 2-3 days.
After that, strain out your mix-ins and enjoy!
Best in:
Mojitos or any fruity punch
