What to Expect When People Are Expecting Your Wedding: Set a Decision Date
A Time Warp.
By: Super Meredith
You know those days when you get to work and realize you don’t even remember driving/walking/biking there because you were so zoned out or lost in thought?
I’m almost exactly a month away from my wedding day right now and lemme tell ya, the time has FLOWN by with me barely realizing it. Time flies by everyday anyway at this age, but it’s crazy to think that in only 30 short days or so I will be marrying the guy who I’m so incredibly in love with, whom I didn’t even know only a handful of years ago. My how things can change (for so much good) in such a relatively short amount of time.
In these past nine months or so of wedding planning it seems that it’s been one task after another, almost just going through the motions of doing, doing, doing, deciding, deciding, deciding. And you want to slow down, and to pause, and to take it all in and enjoy your “wedding planning time” but the reality of it all can be a bit more sobering.
There’s things that have to be decided on that you’ve never thought about before (like “Who do I know that is able to accurately pin a boutonnière on someone and will that person be able and willing to be in this exact place at this exact time to do that?” Or maybe “What the hell is a boutonnière?”). There are vendors who have to be negotiated with, kept in regular touch with and coordinated. Even if you have a small at-home potluck-style wedding, the guests bringing the food serve as a food “vendor” for all intensive purposes. There are things you have to do to make sure that your marriage is legal and legit like go to the courthouse to get your marriage certificate and decide on (and coordinate) who will officiate your ceremony. And there’s of course the underlying topic of money and costs to figure out, discuss and budget through every decision and task. PHEW! That’s a lot. And that’s barely scraping the surface of all of the things.
So here’s my solution: give yourself a cut-off date that all of the things will be decided on by. A specific date. Have your decisions made by that date. Let the people know who need to know. If questions arise after that (and surely they will), answer them as best you can with the information you have at that time – don’t go trying to seek a bunch of unnecessary new information, adding more tasks to your plate. I’ve also found one of the most helpful things for this to be having made a list of literally every single little (or big) task that needed to be done. It's best to do this at least three months out from the wedding. This can be a daunting task in itself though, so do it on a nice day outside, or with a glass of wine, or your favorite music playing. But believe me, it will be a comforting lifesaver as the date gets closer. And don’t hesitate to add to it as things pop into your head – it will just feel even more amazing to cross that many things off of it.
Most importantly, after that cut-off date, step out of the time warp. Actively remind yourself how close you are to that amazing day and instead of filling your head with decisions and thoughts about times, colors, and details, fill that space with thoughts and reflections on your soon-to-be spouse, and your relationship together, and how exciting it is going to be to start a whole new phase of life together. Take the time to appreciate all of your hard work and effort in putting your wedding together, regardless of how big it will be. Because we all know how fast time flies, and before you know it, the day will be here – and on that day you want to be able to relish in all of the moments of that day, enjoy yourself, and enjoy each other.
What To Expect When People Are Expecting Your Wedding: Writing Your Vows
much ado about "I Do"
By Super Meredith
Vows mean different things to different people. Some think of them as the necessity of their ceremony that legally binds them for all of eternity, some think of them as a chance to freely express themselves to each other outside of all of the other predetermined formalities of the ceremony, and some don’t think about them at all until they’re asked to “repeat after me.” The bottom line is that all of these things are true and valid and just fine.
There’s no one right answer to what vows are and what they should mean to you. Generally speaking though, they are the spoken words of promise that you will make to one another to love each other – in whatever way, shape or format those words may turn out to be spoken. So they should will be meaningful to you regardless.
Given this, you have a couple of options of how you can handle the vows for your ceremony: you can either repeat a string of sentences that your officiant gives to you, of which can be straight from The Book of your religious or spiritual choice or loosely based off words from The Book, or you can write them yourself and read them (or recite them from memory if you’re extra talented and confident). Some people prefer to repeat and recite, some people prefer to write and recite. It’s also worth noting that depending on your religious or cultural traditions, there may be certain precedents in place for this if you so choose to follow them. Point being, you have options so go with your gut on what feels right for you and your partner and how you want things to flow.
Personally, my soon-to-be spouse and I chose to write our own vows. We’re both very sentimental people who love to express ourselves and our thoughts and feelings to one another on a regular basis, so it just felt right for us to read something in our own words from our hearts and minds rather than repeating what was written by someone else. We are also more so writers than public speakers, so that too played a role in our decision.
Though as I began writing my vows, I found myself wondering “What format should this be in? A letter recounting our experiences together and my plans for keeping our love alive in the future? Bullet points on each and every thing I promise to do or not do? How long should they be? Then I realized (after doing a little educated research and interviewing others on their experiences of course) that your vows can be whatever you want them to be. That, no matter what, those vows will be the spoken words of our promise to love each other, and we will both feel that in that moment and boy will that be special. After that, the words just flowed. I had to do some serious editing and paring down as I just LOVE to reminisce, but overall I am more than happy with our decision to write our own and can’t wait to read them to each other during our ceremony. Now if I can just manage to keep the tears at bay!
What to Expect When People Are Expecting Your Wedding: Confronting Tradition
Ridiculous Myths and “Traditions” That Make You Question Too Much.
By Super Meredith
Remember when you were a kid and you would avoid stepping on cracks in the sidewalk at all costs because you were sure if you accidentally did, you’d somehow manage to break your grandma’s back in that same moment? Phew, good thing you grew up and realized that’s JUST NOT TRUE.
Of course in the meantime, you wound up subconsciously picking up all sorts of “adult” mumbo-jumbo to believe in, and now you’re planning your wedding around certain matters that may be creating more complications for you than excitement and you’re not even sure why. Don’t worry, here’s a virtual glass of cold water to the face for you – take it with a grain of salt or a big sigh of relief.
It’s best to start your ceremony on the “upswing” of the clock (4:30pm vs. 4pm or 5pm) for good luck and in order to start your marriage on the “upswing.”
God forbid you don’t follow this rule, maybe to save a little money and avoid the “extra hour” fee from your vendors, maybe because the natural light will be best a half hour earlier or later, maybe because your invitations have already been printed and sent out, or maybe just because. Either way, it’s a superstition and you will be sure to have a lovely lifetime of marriage together if you work hard at loving one another, communicating, and laughing at the silly things in life.
Getting married on an odd numbered day is bad luck (same goes for the 13ths, holidays, divorced parent’s anniversaries, etc.)
Ok, maybe you don’t want to get married on the same day as your now divorced parents, that’s understandable. But if you think your marriage will be doomed just because the only available Saturday in the upcoming year at the place you’ve been dying to get married at is on the 11th, then you may need to consider talking through some fears and emotions with a counselor or friend. The calendar wasn’t invented by evil sorcerers to be used as a scare tactic. Imagine where we’d be or how anything would get done these days if no one scheduled anything on odd days!
It is forbidden to see one another on your wedding day until the ceremony starts.
This is nothing more than a personal decision. If you truly believe that you’ll go to hell if you violate this tradition, then you probably shouldn’t do it. It’s ok to have beliefs and morals and values that are important to you – everyone should. It’s also ok to decide to see one another if that’s what feels right to you and your spouse. “First looks” may be all the rage these days compared to twenty years ago, but that’s also because we’re more open about our thoughts these days and not afraid to think twice about what truly matters to us. See previous post "4 Reasons to do a First Look" here for more on why this can be a beneficial moment on your wedding day.
So if you’re anxious about the big day and think you’d be comforted to have a few moments with your loved one who you’re about to pledge to spend the rest of your life with (who by the way, is also probably just as anxious as you are), then talk about this together, go over some options of how you might like to spend those moments together (maybe it involves breakfast together, maybe it just involves holding hands on either side of a door without actually seeing one another), and make sure you do what feels right for you.
Are there any other myths or alleged "traditions" that you've had a nice laugh at?
How to Deal When People Are Expecting Your Wedding: Handling Unwanted Questions
Hey folks! Super Meredith, TSP Studio Manager here. Welcome to the first edition of my blog series What to Expect When People Are Expecting Your Wedding. In these weekly posts, I'll share with you what I've learned from my own recent experiences wading through the waters of planning my own wedding. Hopefully these can bring some helpful insight to those who are soon-to-be or recently engaged, and bring a little humor and relief in knowing you're not alone to those who are also currently in the throes of planning your own wedding.
Lots of questions. Lots of the same questions, over and over from lots of people.
Have you picked a date? What are your colors? These come early and often.
A lot of people asking these questions have been far removed from wedding planning for some time or have never been through it at all, so they may not be aware of some of the other minor details that are more important to you to figure out first. Like, do you want to have a small, intimate event or a large one? Or, where do you see yourselves pledging your eternal love to one another – on a mountaintop? A secluded beach at sunset? A church? Your backyard?
You can see how one question can so easily snowball into ten more questions. These may even just be swirling around inside your own mind, while you’re eating your cereal or running on the treadmill, without anyone else even prompting them. But then other people start asking them too (probably because you haven’t told them what your date or colors are yet and THEY NEED ANSWERS). This tends to lead to a few realizations at this point: that you will in fact have to make some decisions whether you like it or not, that you need to have answers of some sort about some thing/time/flavor/song or another to satisfy people’s curiosity, and that some of these things matter to you a lot and some just don't matter in the least bit to you at all.
Ultimately, you and your soon-to-be spouse are the only ones who know the best way for you to prioritize these impending decisions, so take them at your own pace. You may have a much clearer picture of where you’d like to say your vows as opposed to when, or you may be envisioning a certain season, holding a certain type of flower. Point is, these things can all influence each other, so choose to think about what’s important to you and your spouse – not what other people want to hear about.
I do suggest that once you nail down your venue and/or date, that you decide on at least a few things, no matter how minute they may seem to others, every couple weeks or months. This will give people something to talk about and give you a couple more weeks of peace and calm. It will also assure that your wedding will actually happen one day (and then you can be through with all the planning and go on with enjoying your life together!).
So if this is the beginning of your planning time and you’re already overwhelmed from the questions and decisions, don’t fret – here are some random questions that will hopefully be fun and helpful for you to think about AND put some of the Questioneers at bay... for now:
Do you want to take your honeymoon somewhere far away or local?
Will your pets be involved in the ceremony?
What type of desserts might you all want?
Who do you see officiating your ceremony? (A religious official? Family Member? Friend?)
What questions do you/did you most enjoy answering about your wedding plans?
Four Reasons to Do a First Look at Your Wedding
A question I often receive from couples planning out their wedding day is "What's this whole 'first look' thing? Is it just some trendy fad we're going to regret later? Are there any advantages to scheduling a first look into our day?" For those of you in that position: you are not alone! Here are four great reasons to go for a first look, if that's something you and your partner are considering.
1. Chance to enjoy a (mostly) private moment with your partner, share in the excitement of the day, and diffuse stress.
Let’s be real: there is a lot of pressure put on "seeing each other for the first time at the ceremony” (particularly for heterosexual couples). However, when that moment actually comes, the fact that there is a crowd of people watching you can affect the expression of true emotion (by either stifling it or making it over-the-top performative). With a first look, you get to have some time together (with your photographer snapping quietly in the background) to really soak it in and be in the moment together. In my experience, this doesn't "take away" from the first moment in the ceremony (which is what I think many people worry about) but it actually relieves a little bit of the tightness and stress and allows for people to be purely excited in the ceremony vs excited and nervous and self-conscious about how they are reacting, etc. I describe it as getting a two-for-one deal: you get the pure joy and stress relief of seeing each other beforehand, sharing a kiss or hug or squeeze and maybe a tear or two without having to worry about people watching you AND you get the joy and excitement of seeing each other at the ceremony, but are able to be a little more relaxed and present!
2. More time in the day spent with your partner.
With a first look, you get to spend more time on your wedding day together, and that is awesome. You only get one wedding day! Almost every couple who does a first look remarks about how happy they are that they were able to spend a little more time together during the day, because it goes by so fast!
3. Better schedule flow (and actually going to cocktail hour).
If you opt for a first look, you can also get lots of the formal photos out of the way before the ceremony even starts, like family groupings or wedding party shots with everyone in them. Without a first look, pre-ceremony photos are usually person one + their family / person one + their side of the wedding party and then person two + their family / person two + their side of the wedding party, but after the ceremony you have to call everyone together again to do shots with everyone together. With a first look, afterwards you can do whole wedding party shots in addition to the separate ones, the couple with each person’s family, etc. That means that between the ceremony and reception, you can spend some time with your photographer taking photos of the two of you and then you can actually go enjoy your cocktail hour.
4. Guaranteed good light and good angles for your photos.
Because your photographer will help you choose a spot for a first look, you are guaranteed beautiful light and nice photos of the moment. With the first-moment-walking-down-the-aisle scenario, because weddings are uncontrolled events, there's always a chance that the light will look less-than-ideal, or that someone will jump in front of your photographer, or something else will go awry that will detract from your photos. With a first look, you get up-close and lovely photos of that very special moment without having to worry about things outside of your (or your photographer’s) control.
*Ultimately, doing a first look or not is at the discretion of each couple, and any decision that reflects your wishes is a choice well-made. This list is meant to be a resource for couples considering doing a first look but who aren’t aware of the benefits.
gunnar + katelynn // engaged in austin, tx
In April, I was so excited to travel to Austin, TX to shoot Krista and Mike's wedding (coming to the blog soon)! While I was in town, my friend Lauren and I decided to explore the nearby Hill Country, and ended up at Jacob's Well one afternoon. By TOTAL coincidence, we arrived just in time to see Gunnar proposing to Kaitlynn! In one of the most genius proposals ever, Gunnar free dove down 30' to the bottom of the main cave, came back up, and presented Kaitlynn with her ring after she asked, "did you find any treasure?" -- and actually RECORDED THE WHOLE THING!
Of course, when I have my camera handy, I can't help but capture magic moments like this. Enjoy!
